Vrftsjtryk

Situation

I have an academic conference coming up, and on the registration site we are instructed to optionally enter a personal gender pronoun (PGP) to appear on our name tags. To enter it or not to enter it?

Thoughts

My personal view is the following: if someone does include a PGP on their tag, then I understand that they'd like me to know something about their identity in order to respectfully converse with/about them. In the case that that person does use an non-standard pronoun (if that's the right terminology), then this offers them what is already privileged to those whose gender is aligned with societal assumptions (e.g. a white male who identifies as a man and uses the PGP "he/his", like me) to not have to make their identity a point of conversation at the outset of any interaction. So, I respect and appreciate that the organizing committee is being progressive and inclusive in this sense.

As for myself, I don't have any desire to include my PGP on the nametag. I simply don't have a very strong sense of identity, and don't think of the self in those terms. I realize that there is a painfully obvious response to this; I don't have to worry about it because I already conform to societal assumptions about gender anyway. I have the privilege of knowing that no one is going to call me "she" by accident. But, if I ask myself if I would strongly object if someone did... I dunno, I suppose I'd prefer that didn't happen.

We can look at another dimension of identity, ethnicity, to try and isolate exactly what I'm saying. I'm Italian, which means I have dark skin and hair. Fairly often in life I've encountered people who make the false assumption that I'm actually Mexican or middle eastern. I may correct them if it was appropriate to do so, but really I've never been offended or uncomfortable by it; I simply don't care enough about identity. If there was an optional field for filling in your ethnicity on a conference nametag, I wouldn't have any desire to complete that either, even though I do know that mine is often mistaken.

A potential flaw with this analogy is that gender is ubiquitous in conversation. The same is not true of ethnicity necessarily. Still, all I mean is that I don't feel compelled to broadcast anything about my identity as a pretext to interaction. If someone wants to learn about who I am, they can speak to me. It wouldn't make me more comfortable to walk around knowing that information about my identity can be obtained on sight (be it gender or anything else).

Note:

I do not want to be misunderstood as attempting to assert my beliefs onto others. Even though I don't put strong value in identity, I'm not saying that identity is objectively invaluable; I respect that to some people identity is of enormous value, and I appreciate that those people put their PGP on their nametag so that I can treat them the way they'd like to be.

Question

Now, my real question is not necessarily about the agreeableness of the position I've described above (though I'm happy to discuss it). Rather, I'd like to ask if the act of omitting the PGP from the nametag itself, even if well motivated/justified, is inadvertently signaling any disrespect. At the last one of these conferences, the vast majority of people did include the PGP. Now, I don't feel compelled to conform for conformity's sake, but I also don't want to give the false impression that I'm a proponent of gender binarism.

Not really disrespectful, but perhaps inadvertently signalling that you yourself don't have to worry about such things, because society's default works for you. Or, as often happens, signalling that due to your good fortune you are oblivious to the whole issue, etc. If you'd like to instead signal your awareness, I'd think do indicate your preferred pronouns.

(For what it's worth, I need to get around to systematically doing this on my web pages...)

At the last one of these conferences, the vast majority of people did include the PGP.

I suspect your refusal in this might come off more of rejecting the idea of PGPs rather than choosing not to have your own, which is at least mildly rude. What would you do if you were in a meeting and everyone went around and said "names and pronouns please"?

Would you say "I don't care, call me what you want," even though you admit you look stereotypically masculine, and in any case would be addressed with the "default" and appropriate "he" pronoun?

but I also don't want to give the false impression that I'm a proponent of gender binarism.

Putting either binary pronoun down wouldn't be seen as an endorsement of gender binarism. As far as I know, there are not separate pronouns for people who are proponents of a gender sepectrum yet identify as a member of the traditional genders.

Still, all I mean is that I don't feel compelled to broadcast anything about my identity as a pretext to interaction. If someone wants to learn about who I am, they can speak to me

Yet, you do plan on wearing a nametag with your name on it, right?

On the whole, I wouldn't go so far as to say leaving an optional field blank is disrespectful (if it was mandatory, I would say it was rude), but if only for the first reason, I suggest you do it.

Keep in mind that normalizing sharing pronouns is as much for your comfort as for those who feel compelled to share theirs, either because theirs are unusual or because they don't look "typically" masculine or feminine. The reason we go around in a meeting and ask for pronouns is so one trans person (for example) doesn't feel called out because they chose to name their pronouns, but no one else did.

You say you don't have the desire to include a PGP on your nametag. Unless you truly desire not to have one, put one on. Maybe try "they," if you don't feel "he" works for you.

It sounds like if it is optional, then it is just that: optional.

If you wrote your PGP as "he/him" maybe that would signal an even stronger belief in binary gender norms.

We can respect people who request to be called by a certain PGP. But we do not need to feel obligated to disclose our own view on the subject via means of a nametag.

In the case that that person does use an non-standard pronoun (if that's the right terminology), then this offers them what is already privileged to those whose gender is aligned with societal assumptions (e.g. a white male who identifies as a man and uses the PGP "he/his", like me) to not have to make their identity a point of conversation at the outset of any interaction

People with non-binary pronouns do benefit from this kind of measure, but it's also helpful for some people who do have "he" or "she" pronouns which are not immediately obvious. This can include transgender people and those who are just plain androgynous.

I used to get addressed as "ma'am" on a regular basis. On one occasion when travelling in the USA they selected me for a random search and called for a female officer, even though they could have just looked at my ticket to see my first name. It still happens occasionally in my forties. I'm not bothered by it, but other people might be, and in my experience the people who make the mistake are often mortified when they realise. Pronoun badges etc. can help avoid that kind of awkwardness.

However, if only the non-gender-conforming people are wearing pronoun badges (or stating their pronouns in online profiles, etc. etc.) that can become uncomfortable. Being NGC is sometimes risky - I've been yelled at in public by a stranger who was angry because he couldn't immediately tell my gender, stared at for using the "wrong bathroom", and plenty of folk have had far worse experiences. When other folk also use pronoun badges/etc. it helps defuse this; it establishes the idea that giving your pronouns is a normal thing and doesn't have to flag you as a weirdo.

So, if you do choose to include your pronouns on your badge, you will be helping to make things a little more comfortable for the folk who need to include them.

But if the vast majority of folk at this conference are doing it, then one more or less is unlikely to make much difference, and it's unlikely that anybody would take it as an affront. What's important is that it's common practice, not that it's universal.

It seems to me that the way to signal respect is, quite simply, by literally respecting people’s choice as to how they wish to present themselves to the world. So I’d advise you to take care to refer to people using their preferred pronoun as they chose to list it on their name tag (or using common sense if no pronoun is indicated). And don’t insult or think ill of anyone for making a choice that you disagree with regarding their pronoun, or regarding a choice not to list a pronoun for that matter.

While this advice may seem too obvious to be helpful, my point is that you are also entitled to the same respect that I just advised you to accord others. When you fill that form, you are choosing how you wish to present yourself to the world. Any choice that you make is 100% legitimate and deserves to be respected, including not wanting to list a pronoun. You don’t owe anyone a reason or an explanation of what you are trying to “signal”. And anyone who supports people’s rights to choose a pronoun to describe themselves (which are the people you are worried might feel disrespected by your actions), by extension supports your right to describe yourself however you choose to. Thus, I don’t see how anyone can take offense to your decision without being inconsistent and somewhat of a hypocrite. It doesn’t mean there aren’t such people, but I’m pretty sure you can safely ignore them, and/or that if challenged by them you can easily explain to them why they are misguided to take offense.

No, you are not disrespectful. Ideally (not in the real world, unfortunately) the only people who would object are those who would find unreasonable ways to disrespect you.

It is good that it is optional, as it should be. Everyone should have the freedom to define their own identity in these matters. If others want to define you, it isn't necessary to assist them.

Of course, this is just my opinion. But your own opinion is the one that should matter.