Is this co-worker relationship salvageable?





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Ok, I'll try to summarise the last several months of my experience in a few paragraphs.



I've been at my company for a little over 18 months. At first I entered as a junior developer, since I only had 2 years experience. After around 6 months, my line-manager (call him Steve), offered me a senior position, as they had interviewed many people for it and had not filled it. I told him I would accept as long as he promised to train me up, as I felt I was not suitably qualified at the time. Until this point, myself, Steve and a couple of the others were all friends, having a good time at work and doing social things outside the office.



Then everything changed. I don't know why, but I think Steve regretted giving me the position. He began speaking to me in unacceptable ways, i.e. swearing, barking orders at me and criticising everything I did, often verging on basically calling me stupid. The training he provided was basically writing code in front of me really fast. I didn't pick much up this way, but could tell he was trying to teach, so felt bad to say anything.



I kept a log of all of this and eventually, after 6 months of it, went to HR. I made a formal complaint about him and submitted details of exactly what he had said to me with times and dates and even a couple of witness' within the team.



HR investigated the case for several weeks, (during which time I had no work, as they said I could not work with Steve during the investigation, so I had nothing to do for 10 weeks, but still getting paid).



The outcome is that HR are doing nothing and that none of my claims can be upheld. Basically, he lied about everything, saying he didn't speak to me like that and shockingly, my colleagues lied for him as well, saying they never heard anything.



So now I'm in a position where I have no work, and he is refusing to accept meeting invites from me now the investigation is over to try and get some work and basically just move forward.



How can I salvage/repair this situation and co-worker relationship?



Before anyone suggests it, yes my line-manager has a manager of his own, unfortunately they are very good friends outside of work, so I've tried that route with no success.










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  • 15




    I would say "No" as you went straight to HR and not tried to talk and explain problems with Steve directly.
    – SZCZERZO KŁY
    19 hours ago






  • 6




    @SZCZERZOKŁY I did not. I tried to sort it with him and his line manager, but it did not have any effect.
    – Cloud
    19 hours ago










  • It's not an answer, but I've seen something simular in another life - it all came down to the receiver (you) not being grateful enough to Steve, for what he's apparently given you. I'm not saying you weren't, but Steve felt you weren't and so ended up regretting it himself.
    – djsmiley2k
    9 hours ago










  • @Cloud well, in your question you don't mention any attempts of "sorting it out". In fact, your words "I didn't pick much up this way, but could tell he was trying to teach, so felt bad to say anything" explicitly contradict it.
    – IMil
    4 hours ago






  • 1




    The take-away is most developers, especially good ones, are absolutely the worst at teaching. Good developers have so much intuition in their skill that they have no idea how to teach it to someone else.
    – Nelson
    3 hours ago

















up vote
9
down vote

favorite
2












Ok, I'll try to summarise the last several months of my experience in a few paragraphs.



I've been at my company for a little over 18 months. At first I entered as a junior developer, since I only had 2 years experience. After around 6 months, my line-manager (call him Steve), offered me a senior position, as they had interviewed many people for it and had not filled it. I told him I would accept as long as he promised to train me up, as I felt I was not suitably qualified at the time. Until this point, myself, Steve and a couple of the others were all friends, having a good time at work and doing social things outside the office.



Then everything changed. I don't know why, but I think Steve regretted giving me the position. He began speaking to me in unacceptable ways, i.e. swearing, barking orders at me and criticising everything I did, often verging on basically calling me stupid. The training he provided was basically writing code in front of me really fast. I didn't pick much up this way, but could tell he was trying to teach, so felt bad to say anything.



I kept a log of all of this and eventually, after 6 months of it, went to HR. I made a formal complaint about him and submitted details of exactly what he had said to me with times and dates and even a couple of witness' within the team.



HR investigated the case for several weeks, (during which time I had no work, as they said I could not work with Steve during the investigation, so I had nothing to do for 10 weeks, but still getting paid).



The outcome is that HR are doing nothing and that none of my claims can be upheld. Basically, he lied about everything, saying he didn't speak to me like that and shockingly, my colleagues lied for him as well, saying they never heard anything.



So now I'm in a position where I have no work, and he is refusing to accept meeting invites from me now the investigation is over to try and get some work and basically just move forward.



How can I salvage/repair this situation and co-worker relationship?



Before anyone suggests it, yes my line-manager has a manager of his own, unfortunately they are very good friends outside of work, so I've tried that route with no success.










share|improve this question









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  • 15




    I would say "No" as you went straight to HR and not tried to talk and explain problems with Steve directly.
    – SZCZERZO KŁY
    19 hours ago






  • 6




    @SZCZERZOKŁY I did not. I tried to sort it with him and his line manager, but it did not have any effect.
    – Cloud
    19 hours ago










  • It's not an answer, but I've seen something simular in another life - it all came down to the receiver (you) not being grateful enough to Steve, for what he's apparently given you. I'm not saying you weren't, but Steve felt you weren't and so ended up regretting it himself.
    – djsmiley2k
    9 hours ago










  • @Cloud well, in your question you don't mention any attempts of "sorting it out". In fact, your words "I didn't pick much up this way, but could tell he was trying to teach, so felt bad to say anything" explicitly contradict it.
    – IMil
    4 hours ago






  • 1




    The take-away is most developers, especially good ones, are absolutely the worst at teaching. Good developers have so much intuition in their skill that they have no idea how to teach it to someone else.
    – Nelson
    3 hours ago













up vote
9
down vote

favorite
2









up vote
9
down vote

favorite
2






2





Ok, I'll try to summarise the last several months of my experience in a few paragraphs.



I've been at my company for a little over 18 months. At first I entered as a junior developer, since I only had 2 years experience. After around 6 months, my line-manager (call him Steve), offered me a senior position, as they had interviewed many people for it and had not filled it. I told him I would accept as long as he promised to train me up, as I felt I was not suitably qualified at the time. Until this point, myself, Steve and a couple of the others were all friends, having a good time at work and doing social things outside the office.



Then everything changed. I don't know why, but I think Steve regretted giving me the position. He began speaking to me in unacceptable ways, i.e. swearing, barking orders at me and criticising everything I did, often verging on basically calling me stupid. The training he provided was basically writing code in front of me really fast. I didn't pick much up this way, but could tell he was trying to teach, so felt bad to say anything.



I kept a log of all of this and eventually, after 6 months of it, went to HR. I made a formal complaint about him and submitted details of exactly what he had said to me with times and dates and even a couple of witness' within the team.



HR investigated the case for several weeks, (during which time I had no work, as they said I could not work with Steve during the investigation, so I had nothing to do for 10 weeks, but still getting paid).



The outcome is that HR are doing nothing and that none of my claims can be upheld. Basically, he lied about everything, saying he didn't speak to me like that and shockingly, my colleagues lied for him as well, saying they never heard anything.



So now I'm in a position where I have no work, and he is refusing to accept meeting invites from me now the investigation is over to try and get some work and basically just move forward.



How can I salvage/repair this situation and co-worker relationship?



Before anyone suggests it, yes my line-manager has a manager of his own, unfortunately they are very good friends outside of work, so I've tried that route with no success.










share|improve this question









New contributor




Cloud is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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Ok, I'll try to summarise the last several months of my experience in a few paragraphs.



I've been at my company for a little over 18 months. At first I entered as a junior developer, since I only had 2 years experience. After around 6 months, my line-manager (call him Steve), offered me a senior position, as they had interviewed many people for it and had not filled it. I told him I would accept as long as he promised to train me up, as I felt I was not suitably qualified at the time. Until this point, myself, Steve and a couple of the others were all friends, having a good time at work and doing social things outside the office.



Then everything changed. I don't know why, but I think Steve regretted giving me the position. He began speaking to me in unacceptable ways, i.e. swearing, barking orders at me and criticising everything I did, often verging on basically calling me stupid. The training he provided was basically writing code in front of me really fast. I didn't pick much up this way, but could tell he was trying to teach, so felt bad to say anything.



I kept a log of all of this and eventually, after 6 months of it, went to HR. I made a formal complaint about him and submitted details of exactly what he had said to me with times and dates and even a couple of witness' within the team.



HR investigated the case for several weeks, (during which time I had no work, as they said I could not work with Steve during the investigation, so I had nothing to do for 10 weeks, but still getting paid).



The outcome is that HR are doing nothing and that none of my claims can be upheld. Basically, he lied about everything, saying he didn't speak to me like that and shockingly, my colleagues lied for him as well, saying they never heard anything.



So now I'm in a position where I have no work, and he is refusing to accept meeting invites from me now the investigation is over to try and get some work and basically just move forward.



How can I salvage/repair this situation and co-worker relationship?



Before anyone suggests it, yes my line-manager has a manager of his own, unfortunately they are very good friends outside of work, so I've tried that route with no success.







manager software-development






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edited 13 hours ago









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  • 15




    I would say "No" as you went straight to HR and not tried to talk and explain problems with Steve directly.
    – SZCZERZO KŁY
    19 hours ago






  • 6




    @SZCZERZOKŁY I did not. I tried to sort it with him and his line manager, but it did not have any effect.
    – Cloud
    19 hours ago










  • It's not an answer, but I've seen something simular in another life - it all came down to the receiver (you) not being grateful enough to Steve, for what he's apparently given you. I'm not saying you weren't, but Steve felt you weren't and so ended up regretting it himself.
    – djsmiley2k
    9 hours ago










  • @Cloud well, in your question you don't mention any attempts of "sorting it out". In fact, your words "I didn't pick much up this way, but could tell he was trying to teach, so felt bad to say anything" explicitly contradict it.
    – IMil
    4 hours ago






  • 1




    The take-away is most developers, especially good ones, are absolutely the worst at teaching. Good developers have so much intuition in their skill that they have no idea how to teach it to someone else.
    – Nelson
    3 hours ago














  • 15




    I would say "No" as you went straight to HR and not tried to talk and explain problems with Steve directly.
    – SZCZERZO KŁY
    19 hours ago






  • 6




    @SZCZERZOKŁY I did not. I tried to sort it with him and his line manager, but it did not have any effect.
    – Cloud
    19 hours ago










  • It's not an answer, but I've seen something simular in another life - it all came down to the receiver (you) not being grateful enough to Steve, for what he's apparently given you. I'm not saying you weren't, but Steve felt you weren't and so ended up regretting it himself.
    – djsmiley2k
    9 hours ago










  • @Cloud well, in your question you don't mention any attempts of "sorting it out". In fact, your words "I didn't pick much up this way, but could tell he was trying to teach, so felt bad to say anything" explicitly contradict it.
    – IMil
    4 hours ago






  • 1




    The take-away is most developers, especially good ones, are absolutely the worst at teaching. Good developers have so much intuition in their skill that they have no idea how to teach it to someone else.
    – Nelson
    3 hours ago








15




15




I would say "No" as you went straight to HR and not tried to talk and explain problems with Steve directly.
– SZCZERZO KŁY
19 hours ago




I would say "No" as you went straight to HR and not tried to talk and explain problems with Steve directly.
– SZCZERZO KŁY
19 hours ago




6




6




@SZCZERZOKŁY I did not. I tried to sort it with him and his line manager, but it did not have any effect.
– Cloud
19 hours ago




@SZCZERZOKŁY I did not. I tried to sort it with him and his line manager, but it did not have any effect.
– Cloud
19 hours ago












It's not an answer, but I've seen something simular in another life - it all came down to the receiver (you) not being grateful enough to Steve, for what he's apparently given you. I'm not saying you weren't, but Steve felt you weren't and so ended up regretting it himself.
– djsmiley2k
9 hours ago




It's not an answer, but I've seen something simular in another life - it all came down to the receiver (you) not being grateful enough to Steve, for what he's apparently given you. I'm not saying you weren't, but Steve felt you weren't and so ended up regretting it himself.
– djsmiley2k
9 hours ago












@Cloud well, in your question you don't mention any attempts of "sorting it out". In fact, your words "I didn't pick much up this way, but could tell he was trying to teach, so felt bad to say anything" explicitly contradict it.
– IMil
4 hours ago




@Cloud well, in your question you don't mention any attempts of "sorting it out". In fact, your words "I didn't pick much up this way, but could tell he was trying to teach, so felt bad to say anything" explicitly contradict it.
– IMil
4 hours ago




1




1




The take-away is most developers, especially good ones, are absolutely the worst at teaching. Good developers have so much intuition in their skill that they have no idea how to teach it to someone else.
– Nelson
3 hours ago




The take-away is most developers, especially good ones, are absolutely the worst at teaching. Good developers have so much intuition in their skill that they have no idea how to teach it to someone else.
– Nelson
3 hours ago










5 Answers
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up vote
70
down vote













You launched a formal complaint complete with witnesses and documentation which was investigated for 10 weeks while you were paid for doing nothing, and then your complaints were found to be groundless, even your witnesses did not back you up.




Is this co-worker relationship salvageable?




No. You put multiple people into a difficult position. Things will never return to how they were. More constructive to worry about being forced out altogether. You should have spent the 10 weeks job searching, suggest you get onto that asap.






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  • 11




    +1. The details of who did what are irrelevant at this point. Chances are Steve could now be refusing meeting invites to set you up for a PIP and then dismissal, and having already gone to HR with one complaint that didn't work out, you're unlikely to be able to fight that internally. Much better to leave on your own accord than be fired.
    – berry120
    14 hours ago






  • 2




    Brief advice is the best kind. No point trying to do the impossible, well you can but you still need to search for a new job.
    – goamn
    8 hours ago


















up vote
18
down vote














Then everything changed. I don't know why, but I think Steve regretted
giving me the position.




I'm guessing there's more to this than just a sudden change of attitude. It's unfortunate you didn't talk to Steve to find out why.




How can I salvage/repair this situation and co-worker relationship?



Before anyone suggests it, yes my line-manager has a manager of his
own, unfortunately they are very good friends outside of work, so I've
tried that route with no success.




You could try talking with him and seeing if you can determine why he changed. Perhaps you have something to apologize for here. If so, it would be a good time to do that now. But your relationship may already be beyond the point of repair.



It appears that instead of talking to him directly, you chose to create a 6 month log and then took it to HR as a formal complaint. And apparently, you also went over his head and tried to complain to his boss.



It's not clear why you chose that route first rather than trying to repair the relationship, but what's done is done.



You might need to watch your back now, and start thinking about finding a new job or at least a transfer to work with another manager.






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  • 8




    "It's unfortunate you didn't talk to Steve to find out why." This doesn't have enough stress. Going to HR should be a last ditch attempt; first port of call should always be talk to the person directly as they it could even just be venting other issues onto you.
    – UKMonkey
    15 hours ago






  • 1




    @UKMonkey Going to HR for interpersonal advice can be sensible depending on where it is and how exactly HR operates. It's the logging of a formal complaint with evidence and witnesses that's always burning bridges.
    – Peter
    6 hours ago


















up vote
5
down vote













Given the limited information here, my conclusion is that you drew the short stick on an internal power play.



Steve definitely set you up to fail as a senior dev. He promoted you to the position knowing you lack the hard skills necessary to do the job, he did not properly train you, and then he used your lack of skills to motivate his decision to not work with you. I don't know what his motives are, but the way you tell the story, it's pretty clear to me he was harassing you so he would get rid of you.



Your failing lays in not realising you were being set up and not taking action in a timely manner. The second Steve started "training" you and you couldn't understand what he was doing is when you should have told (in writing) your manager or Steve's manager that you are not receiving proper training and you cannot be expected to complete your tasks.
Furthermore, Steve's frustration with you grew as he probably saw you are thick skinned and his insults/harassment aren't working.



Your next mistake is taking things up with HR. HR is not there to protect you from Steve's bullying, but to protect the company's interest. It was HR's conclusion that Steve's work is more important than yours, so their internal investigation came out blank. Not that it matters anyway, you are now flagged as a problem employee. Next time someone has to leave, guess whose turn it will be.



A common way to convince an employee to leave is to take away all his usual tasks and replace them with what basically amounts to worthless junk. We had a case in my country where an employee got relegated to shredding paper so she would leave the company. To me it looks like your employer is trying to get rid of you by not giving you tasks and waiting for you to get bored and leave. Or fire you whenever it suits them because you're not being productive or some made-up reason so you won't sue them for unlawful termination.



So in conclusion, Steve won his little game, you are working in a dysfunctional company which is an unfair employer that only cares about Steve and Steve's gang's happiness and is willing to sideline anyone Steve doesn't like. And Steve HATES you.



Your choices are rather limited.



1: You make it up to Steve. Apparently his happiness matters in the company more than facts. Make Steve happy and you'll be back to your old tasks in no time.



2: Realise you are wasting your time in this company and start looking for a new job.



3: Continue in the current situation and wait to become the equivalent of a human paper shredder. Until they find a good reason to fire you.






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  • 6




    I think that the behaviour of manager Steve has definitely contributed to OP's problems. But a lot of the conclusions that assign motivations and beliefs here seem a little hasty without additional information e.g. "Steve definitely set you up to fail as a senior dev." Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity etc . . . perhaps Steve really fancied himself as a wise old teacher, and coped badly when he realised it wasn't working
    – Neil Slater
    14 hours ago








  • 1




    I concur with this answer. It reads like 'Steve' already decided to get rid of the author before the promotion was made. The real reason will probably never surface.
    – Erwin
    14 hours ago










  • "It was HR's conclusion that Steve's work is more important than yours, so their internal investigation came out blank." I think it may be a bit much to claim that without proof. It could be as simple as they did not have evidence to take action against him. Honestly, I can't see HR directly basing a decision off that, especially if OP had it documented well; because then they would be leaving a potentially huge liability. HR probably didn't want to take action against Steve; but I would say that would have been equally influenced by how much evidence OP had.
    – JMac
    11 hours ago


















up vote
1
down vote













Your manager acted petty (or maybe you did not understand the situation completely but let's assume you are right), but your question is unjustified now. If you wanted to salvage the relation, that should have been your first approach rather than going to HR. By going to HR you made an implicit judgment that the relationship was not salvageable in the first place.



However, even though you could (and should) have picked a better response to your manager's behavior, I don't think it is all only your fault.





It is unfortunate that your colleagues couched when asked formally by HR. Also, it is unfortunate that your manager's manager preferred taking his friend's side rather than taking the right side.





Since the relation is not salvageable unless someone has a sudden change of heart and this guy in question is your manager, the best direction is to get a new job.



It may be bitter tasting but it is the next best thing that can happen to you.






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    up vote
    0
    down vote













    OP I'm sorry but I think that the "investigation" was basically over in a week. You were given 9 weeks to begin searching for a new job, which you did not take the hint for. I say this because software developers are not a resource that is wasted lightly.



    Update your resume and start looking immediately, additionally note how your other coworkers are treating you; you'll need to get references from someone at this company who is not Steve or in the HR hierarchy who have dismissed your claims of harassment.






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      5 Answers
      5






      active

      oldest

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      5 Answers
      5






      active

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      up vote
      70
      down vote













      You launched a formal complaint complete with witnesses and documentation which was investigated for 10 weeks while you were paid for doing nothing, and then your complaints were found to be groundless, even your witnesses did not back you up.




      Is this co-worker relationship salvageable?




      No. You put multiple people into a difficult position. Things will never return to how they were. More constructive to worry about being forced out altogether. You should have spent the 10 weeks job searching, suggest you get onto that asap.






      share|improve this answer

















      • 11




        +1. The details of who did what are irrelevant at this point. Chances are Steve could now be refusing meeting invites to set you up for a PIP and then dismissal, and having already gone to HR with one complaint that didn't work out, you're unlikely to be able to fight that internally. Much better to leave on your own accord than be fired.
        – berry120
        14 hours ago






      • 2




        Brief advice is the best kind. No point trying to do the impossible, well you can but you still need to search for a new job.
        – goamn
        8 hours ago















      up vote
      70
      down vote













      You launched a formal complaint complete with witnesses and documentation which was investigated for 10 weeks while you were paid for doing nothing, and then your complaints were found to be groundless, even your witnesses did not back you up.




      Is this co-worker relationship salvageable?




      No. You put multiple people into a difficult position. Things will never return to how they were. More constructive to worry about being forced out altogether. You should have spent the 10 weeks job searching, suggest you get onto that asap.






      share|improve this answer

















      • 11




        +1. The details of who did what are irrelevant at this point. Chances are Steve could now be refusing meeting invites to set you up for a PIP and then dismissal, and having already gone to HR with one complaint that didn't work out, you're unlikely to be able to fight that internally. Much better to leave on your own accord than be fired.
        – berry120
        14 hours ago






      • 2




        Brief advice is the best kind. No point trying to do the impossible, well you can but you still need to search for a new job.
        – goamn
        8 hours ago













      up vote
      70
      down vote










      up vote
      70
      down vote









      You launched a formal complaint complete with witnesses and documentation which was investigated for 10 weeks while you were paid for doing nothing, and then your complaints were found to be groundless, even your witnesses did not back you up.




      Is this co-worker relationship salvageable?




      No. You put multiple people into a difficult position. Things will never return to how they were. More constructive to worry about being forced out altogether. You should have spent the 10 weeks job searching, suggest you get onto that asap.






      share|improve this answer












      You launched a formal complaint complete with witnesses and documentation which was investigated for 10 weeks while you were paid for doing nothing, and then your complaints were found to be groundless, even your witnesses did not back you up.




      Is this co-worker relationship salvageable?




      No. You put multiple people into a difficult position. Things will never return to how they were. More constructive to worry about being forced out altogether. You should have spent the 10 weeks job searching, suggest you get onto that asap.







      share|improve this answer












      share|improve this answer



      share|improve this answer










      answered 18 hours ago









      Kilisi

      108k59242419




      108k59242419








      • 11




        +1. The details of who did what are irrelevant at this point. Chances are Steve could now be refusing meeting invites to set you up for a PIP and then dismissal, and having already gone to HR with one complaint that didn't work out, you're unlikely to be able to fight that internally. Much better to leave on your own accord than be fired.
        – berry120
        14 hours ago






      • 2




        Brief advice is the best kind. No point trying to do the impossible, well you can but you still need to search for a new job.
        – goamn
        8 hours ago














      • 11




        +1. The details of who did what are irrelevant at this point. Chances are Steve could now be refusing meeting invites to set you up for a PIP and then dismissal, and having already gone to HR with one complaint that didn't work out, you're unlikely to be able to fight that internally. Much better to leave on your own accord than be fired.
        – berry120
        14 hours ago






      • 2




        Brief advice is the best kind. No point trying to do the impossible, well you can but you still need to search for a new job.
        – goamn
        8 hours ago








      11




      11




      +1. The details of who did what are irrelevant at this point. Chances are Steve could now be refusing meeting invites to set you up for a PIP and then dismissal, and having already gone to HR with one complaint that didn't work out, you're unlikely to be able to fight that internally. Much better to leave on your own accord than be fired.
      – berry120
      14 hours ago




      +1. The details of who did what are irrelevant at this point. Chances are Steve could now be refusing meeting invites to set you up for a PIP and then dismissal, and having already gone to HR with one complaint that didn't work out, you're unlikely to be able to fight that internally. Much better to leave on your own accord than be fired.
      – berry120
      14 hours ago




      2




      2




      Brief advice is the best kind. No point trying to do the impossible, well you can but you still need to search for a new job.
      – goamn
      8 hours ago




      Brief advice is the best kind. No point trying to do the impossible, well you can but you still need to search for a new job.
      – goamn
      8 hours ago












      up vote
      18
      down vote














      Then everything changed. I don't know why, but I think Steve regretted
      giving me the position.




      I'm guessing there's more to this than just a sudden change of attitude. It's unfortunate you didn't talk to Steve to find out why.




      How can I salvage/repair this situation and co-worker relationship?



      Before anyone suggests it, yes my line-manager has a manager of his
      own, unfortunately they are very good friends outside of work, so I've
      tried that route with no success.




      You could try talking with him and seeing if you can determine why he changed. Perhaps you have something to apologize for here. If so, it would be a good time to do that now. But your relationship may already be beyond the point of repair.



      It appears that instead of talking to him directly, you chose to create a 6 month log and then took it to HR as a formal complaint. And apparently, you also went over his head and tried to complain to his boss.



      It's not clear why you chose that route first rather than trying to repair the relationship, but what's done is done.



      You might need to watch your back now, and start thinking about finding a new job or at least a transfer to work with another manager.






      share|improve this answer



















      • 8




        "It's unfortunate you didn't talk to Steve to find out why." This doesn't have enough stress. Going to HR should be a last ditch attempt; first port of call should always be talk to the person directly as they it could even just be venting other issues onto you.
        – UKMonkey
        15 hours ago






      • 1




        @UKMonkey Going to HR for interpersonal advice can be sensible depending on where it is and how exactly HR operates. It's the logging of a formal complaint with evidence and witnesses that's always burning bridges.
        – Peter
        6 hours ago















      up vote
      18
      down vote














      Then everything changed. I don't know why, but I think Steve regretted
      giving me the position.




      I'm guessing there's more to this than just a sudden change of attitude. It's unfortunate you didn't talk to Steve to find out why.




      How can I salvage/repair this situation and co-worker relationship?



      Before anyone suggests it, yes my line-manager has a manager of his
      own, unfortunately they are very good friends outside of work, so I've
      tried that route with no success.




      You could try talking with him and seeing if you can determine why he changed. Perhaps you have something to apologize for here. If so, it would be a good time to do that now. But your relationship may already be beyond the point of repair.



      It appears that instead of talking to him directly, you chose to create a 6 month log and then took it to HR as a formal complaint. And apparently, you also went over his head and tried to complain to his boss.



      It's not clear why you chose that route first rather than trying to repair the relationship, but what's done is done.



      You might need to watch your back now, and start thinking about finding a new job or at least a transfer to work with another manager.






      share|improve this answer



















      • 8




        "It's unfortunate you didn't talk to Steve to find out why." This doesn't have enough stress. Going to HR should be a last ditch attempt; first port of call should always be talk to the person directly as they it could even just be venting other issues onto you.
        – UKMonkey
        15 hours ago






      • 1




        @UKMonkey Going to HR for interpersonal advice can be sensible depending on where it is and how exactly HR operates. It's the logging of a formal complaint with evidence and witnesses that's always burning bridges.
        – Peter
        6 hours ago













      up vote
      18
      down vote










      up vote
      18
      down vote










      Then everything changed. I don't know why, but I think Steve regretted
      giving me the position.




      I'm guessing there's more to this than just a sudden change of attitude. It's unfortunate you didn't talk to Steve to find out why.




      How can I salvage/repair this situation and co-worker relationship?



      Before anyone suggests it, yes my line-manager has a manager of his
      own, unfortunately they are very good friends outside of work, so I've
      tried that route with no success.




      You could try talking with him and seeing if you can determine why he changed. Perhaps you have something to apologize for here. If so, it would be a good time to do that now. But your relationship may already be beyond the point of repair.



      It appears that instead of talking to him directly, you chose to create a 6 month log and then took it to HR as a formal complaint. And apparently, you also went over his head and tried to complain to his boss.



      It's not clear why you chose that route first rather than trying to repair the relationship, but what's done is done.



      You might need to watch your back now, and start thinking about finding a new job or at least a transfer to work with another manager.






      share|improve this answer















      Then everything changed. I don't know why, but I think Steve regretted
      giving me the position.




      I'm guessing there's more to this than just a sudden change of attitude. It's unfortunate you didn't talk to Steve to find out why.




      How can I salvage/repair this situation and co-worker relationship?



      Before anyone suggests it, yes my line-manager has a manager of his
      own, unfortunately they are very good friends outside of work, so I've
      tried that route with no success.




      You could try talking with him and seeing if you can determine why he changed. Perhaps you have something to apologize for here. If so, it would be a good time to do that now. But your relationship may already be beyond the point of repair.



      It appears that instead of talking to him directly, you chose to create a 6 month log and then took it to HR as a formal complaint. And apparently, you also went over his head and tried to complain to his boss.



      It's not clear why you chose that route first rather than trying to repair the relationship, but what's done is done.



      You might need to watch your back now, and start thinking about finding a new job or at least a transfer to work with another manager.







      share|improve this answer














      share|improve this answer



      share|improve this answer








      edited 18 hours ago

























      answered 18 hours ago









      Joe Strazzere

      237k115694990




      237k115694990








      • 8




        "It's unfortunate you didn't talk to Steve to find out why." This doesn't have enough stress. Going to HR should be a last ditch attempt; first port of call should always be talk to the person directly as they it could even just be venting other issues onto you.
        – UKMonkey
        15 hours ago






      • 1




        @UKMonkey Going to HR for interpersonal advice can be sensible depending on where it is and how exactly HR operates. It's the logging of a formal complaint with evidence and witnesses that's always burning bridges.
        – Peter
        6 hours ago














      • 8




        "It's unfortunate you didn't talk to Steve to find out why." This doesn't have enough stress. Going to HR should be a last ditch attempt; first port of call should always be talk to the person directly as they it could even just be venting other issues onto you.
        – UKMonkey
        15 hours ago






      • 1




        @UKMonkey Going to HR for interpersonal advice can be sensible depending on where it is and how exactly HR operates. It's the logging of a formal complaint with evidence and witnesses that's always burning bridges.
        – Peter
        6 hours ago








      8




      8




      "It's unfortunate you didn't talk to Steve to find out why." This doesn't have enough stress. Going to HR should be a last ditch attempt; first port of call should always be talk to the person directly as they it could even just be venting other issues onto you.
      – UKMonkey
      15 hours ago




      "It's unfortunate you didn't talk to Steve to find out why." This doesn't have enough stress. Going to HR should be a last ditch attempt; first port of call should always be talk to the person directly as they it could even just be venting other issues onto you.
      – UKMonkey
      15 hours ago




      1




      1




      @UKMonkey Going to HR for interpersonal advice can be sensible depending on where it is and how exactly HR operates. It's the logging of a formal complaint with evidence and witnesses that's always burning bridges.
      – Peter
      6 hours ago




      @UKMonkey Going to HR for interpersonal advice can be sensible depending on where it is and how exactly HR operates. It's the logging of a formal complaint with evidence and witnesses that's always burning bridges.
      – Peter
      6 hours ago










      up vote
      5
      down vote













      Given the limited information here, my conclusion is that you drew the short stick on an internal power play.



      Steve definitely set you up to fail as a senior dev. He promoted you to the position knowing you lack the hard skills necessary to do the job, he did not properly train you, and then he used your lack of skills to motivate his decision to not work with you. I don't know what his motives are, but the way you tell the story, it's pretty clear to me he was harassing you so he would get rid of you.



      Your failing lays in not realising you were being set up and not taking action in a timely manner. The second Steve started "training" you and you couldn't understand what he was doing is when you should have told (in writing) your manager or Steve's manager that you are not receiving proper training and you cannot be expected to complete your tasks.
      Furthermore, Steve's frustration with you grew as he probably saw you are thick skinned and his insults/harassment aren't working.



      Your next mistake is taking things up with HR. HR is not there to protect you from Steve's bullying, but to protect the company's interest. It was HR's conclusion that Steve's work is more important than yours, so their internal investigation came out blank. Not that it matters anyway, you are now flagged as a problem employee. Next time someone has to leave, guess whose turn it will be.



      A common way to convince an employee to leave is to take away all his usual tasks and replace them with what basically amounts to worthless junk. We had a case in my country where an employee got relegated to shredding paper so she would leave the company. To me it looks like your employer is trying to get rid of you by not giving you tasks and waiting for you to get bored and leave. Or fire you whenever it suits them because you're not being productive or some made-up reason so you won't sue them for unlawful termination.



      So in conclusion, Steve won his little game, you are working in a dysfunctional company which is an unfair employer that only cares about Steve and Steve's gang's happiness and is willing to sideline anyone Steve doesn't like. And Steve HATES you.



      Your choices are rather limited.



      1: You make it up to Steve. Apparently his happiness matters in the company more than facts. Make Steve happy and you'll be back to your old tasks in no time.



      2: Realise you are wasting your time in this company and start looking for a new job.



      3: Continue in the current situation and wait to become the equivalent of a human paper shredder. Until they find a good reason to fire you.






      share|improve this answer



















      • 6




        I think that the behaviour of manager Steve has definitely contributed to OP's problems. But a lot of the conclusions that assign motivations and beliefs here seem a little hasty without additional information e.g. "Steve definitely set you up to fail as a senior dev." Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity etc . . . perhaps Steve really fancied himself as a wise old teacher, and coped badly when he realised it wasn't working
        – Neil Slater
        14 hours ago








      • 1




        I concur with this answer. It reads like 'Steve' already decided to get rid of the author before the promotion was made. The real reason will probably never surface.
        – Erwin
        14 hours ago










      • "It was HR's conclusion that Steve's work is more important than yours, so their internal investigation came out blank." I think it may be a bit much to claim that without proof. It could be as simple as they did not have evidence to take action against him. Honestly, I can't see HR directly basing a decision off that, especially if OP had it documented well; because then they would be leaving a potentially huge liability. HR probably didn't want to take action against Steve; but I would say that would have been equally influenced by how much evidence OP had.
        – JMac
        11 hours ago















      up vote
      5
      down vote













      Given the limited information here, my conclusion is that you drew the short stick on an internal power play.



      Steve definitely set you up to fail as a senior dev. He promoted you to the position knowing you lack the hard skills necessary to do the job, he did not properly train you, and then he used your lack of skills to motivate his decision to not work with you. I don't know what his motives are, but the way you tell the story, it's pretty clear to me he was harassing you so he would get rid of you.



      Your failing lays in not realising you were being set up and not taking action in a timely manner. The second Steve started "training" you and you couldn't understand what he was doing is when you should have told (in writing) your manager or Steve's manager that you are not receiving proper training and you cannot be expected to complete your tasks.
      Furthermore, Steve's frustration with you grew as he probably saw you are thick skinned and his insults/harassment aren't working.



      Your next mistake is taking things up with HR. HR is not there to protect you from Steve's bullying, but to protect the company's interest. It was HR's conclusion that Steve's work is more important than yours, so their internal investigation came out blank. Not that it matters anyway, you are now flagged as a problem employee. Next time someone has to leave, guess whose turn it will be.



      A common way to convince an employee to leave is to take away all his usual tasks and replace them with what basically amounts to worthless junk. We had a case in my country where an employee got relegated to shredding paper so she would leave the company. To me it looks like your employer is trying to get rid of you by not giving you tasks and waiting for you to get bored and leave. Or fire you whenever it suits them because you're not being productive or some made-up reason so you won't sue them for unlawful termination.



      So in conclusion, Steve won his little game, you are working in a dysfunctional company which is an unfair employer that only cares about Steve and Steve's gang's happiness and is willing to sideline anyone Steve doesn't like. And Steve HATES you.



      Your choices are rather limited.



      1: You make it up to Steve. Apparently his happiness matters in the company more than facts. Make Steve happy and you'll be back to your old tasks in no time.



      2: Realise you are wasting your time in this company and start looking for a new job.



      3: Continue in the current situation and wait to become the equivalent of a human paper shredder. Until they find a good reason to fire you.






      share|improve this answer



















      • 6




        I think that the behaviour of manager Steve has definitely contributed to OP's problems. But a lot of the conclusions that assign motivations and beliefs here seem a little hasty without additional information e.g. "Steve definitely set you up to fail as a senior dev." Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity etc . . . perhaps Steve really fancied himself as a wise old teacher, and coped badly when he realised it wasn't working
        – Neil Slater
        14 hours ago








      • 1




        I concur with this answer. It reads like 'Steve' already decided to get rid of the author before the promotion was made. The real reason will probably never surface.
        – Erwin
        14 hours ago










      • "It was HR's conclusion that Steve's work is more important than yours, so their internal investigation came out blank." I think it may be a bit much to claim that without proof. It could be as simple as they did not have evidence to take action against him. Honestly, I can't see HR directly basing a decision off that, especially if OP had it documented well; because then they would be leaving a potentially huge liability. HR probably didn't want to take action against Steve; but I would say that would have been equally influenced by how much evidence OP had.
        – JMac
        11 hours ago













      up vote
      5
      down vote










      up vote
      5
      down vote









      Given the limited information here, my conclusion is that you drew the short stick on an internal power play.



      Steve definitely set you up to fail as a senior dev. He promoted you to the position knowing you lack the hard skills necessary to do the job, he did not properly train you, and then he used your lack of skills to motivate his decision to not work with you. I don't know what his motives are, but the way you tell the story, it's pretty clear to me he was harassing you so he would get rid of you.



      Your failing lays in not realising you were being set up and not taking action in a timely manner. The second Steve started "training" you and you couldn't understand what he was doing is when you should have told (in writing) your manager or Steve's manager that you are not receiving proper training and you cannot be expected to complete your tasks.
      Furthermore, Steve's frustration with you grew as he probably saw you are thick skinned and his insults/harassment aren't working.



      Your next mistake is taking things up with HR. HR is not there to protect you from Steve's bullying, but to protect the company's interest. It was HR's conclusion that Steve's work is more important than yours, so their internal investigation came out blank. Not that it matters anyway, you are now flagged as a problem employee. Next time someone has to leave, guess whose turn it will be.



      A common way to convince an employee to leave is to take away all his usual tasks and replace them with what basically amounts to worthless junk. We had a case in my country where an employee got relegated to shredding paper so she would leave the company. To me it looks like your employer is trying to get rid of you by not giving you tasks and waiting for you to get bored and leave. Or fire you whenever it suits them because you're not being productive or some made-up reason so you won't sue them for unlawful termination.



      So in conclusion, Steve won his little game, you are working in a dysfunctional company which is an unfair employer that only cares about Steve and Steve's gang's happiness and is willing to sideline anyone Steve doesn't like. And Steve HATES you.



      Your choices are rather limited.



      1: You make it up to Steve. Apparently his happiness matters in the company more than facts. Make Steve happy and you'll be back to your old tasks in no time.



      2: Realise you are wasting your time in this company and start looking for a new job.



      3: Continue in the current situation and wait to become the equivalent of a human paper shredder. Until they find a good reason to fire you.






      share|improve this answer














      Given the limited information here, my conclusion is that you drew the short stick on an internal power play.



      Steve definitely set you up to fail as a senior dev. He promoted you to the position knowing you lack the hard skills necessary to do the job, he did not properly train you, and then he used your lack of skills to motivate his decision to not work with you. I don't know what his motives are, but the way you tell the story, it's pretty clear to me he was harassing you so he would get rid of you.



      Your failing lays in not realising you were being set up and not taking action in a timely manner. The second Steve started "training" you and you couldn't understand what he was doing is when you should have told (in writing) your manager or Steve's manager that you are not receiving proper training and you cannot be expected to complete your tasks.
      Furthermore, Steve's frustration with you grew as he probably saw you are thick skinned and his insults/harassment aren't working.



      Your next mistake is taking things up with HR. HR is not there to protect you from Steve's bullying, but to protect the company's interest. It was HR's conclusion that Steve's work is more important than yours, so their internal investigation came out blank. Not that it matters anyway, you are now flagged as a problem employee. Next time someone has to leave, guess whose turn it will be.



      A common way to convince an employee to leave is to take away all his usual tasks and replace them with what basically amounts to worthless junk. We had a case in my country where an employee got relegated to shredding paper so she would leave the company. To me it looks like your employer is trying to get rid of you by not giving you tasks and waiting for you to get bored and leave. Or fire you whenever it suits them because you're not being productive or some made-up reason so you won't sue them for unlawful termination.



      So in conclusion, Steve won his little game, you are working in a dysfunctional company which is an unfair employer that only cares about Steve and Steve's gang's happiness and is willing to sideline anyone Steve doesn't like. And Steve HATES you.



      Your choices are rather limited.



      1: You make it up to Steve. Apparently his happiness matters in the company more than facts. Make Steve happy and you'll be back to your old tasks in no time.



      2: Realise you are wasting your time in this company and start looking for a new job.



      3: Continue in the current situation and wait to become the equivalent of a human paper shredder. Until they find a good reason to fire you.







      share|improve this answer














      share|improve this answer



      share|improve this answer








      edited 7 hours ago









      Kat

      2,72321118




      2,72321118










      answered 17 hours ago









      BoboDarph

      2,1761315




      2,1761315








      • 6




        I think that the behaviour of manager Steve has definitely contributed to OP's problems. But a lot of the conclusions that assign motivations and beliefs here seem a little hasty without additional information e.g. "Steve definitely set you up to fail as a senior dev." Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity etc . . . perhaps Steve really fancied himself as a wise old teacher, and coped badly when he realised it wasn't working
        – Neil Slater
        14 hours ago








      • 1




        I concur with this answer. It reads like 'Steve' already decided to get rid of the author before the promotion was made. The real reason will probably never surface.
        – Erwin
        14 hours ago










      • "It was HR's conclusion that Steve's work is more important than yours, so their internal investigation came out blank." I think it may be a bit much to claim that without proof. It could be as simple as they did not have evidence to take action against him. Honestly, I can't see HR directly basing a decision off that, especially if OP had it documented well; because then they would be leaving a potentially huge liability. HR probably didn't want to take action against Steve; but I would say that would have been equally influenced by how much evidence OP had.
        – JMac
        11 hours ago














      • 6




        I think that the behaviour of manager Steve has definitely contributed to OP's problems. But a lot of the conclusions that assign motivations and beliefs here seem a little hasty without additional information e.g. "Steve definitely set you up to fail as a senior dev." Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity etc . . . perhaps Steve really fancied himself as a wise old teacher, and coped badly when he realised it wasn't working
        – Neil Slater
        14 hours ago








      • 1




        I concur with this answer. It reads like 'Steve' already decided to get rid of the author before the promotion was made. The real reason will probably never surface.
        – Erwin
        14 hours ago










      • "It was HR's conclusion that Steve's work is more important than yours, so their internal investigation came out blank." I think it may be a bit much to claim that without proof. It could be as simple as they did not have evidence to take action against him. Honestly, I can't see HR directly basing a decision off that, especially if OP had it documented well; because then they would be leaving a potentially huge liability. HR probably didn't want to take action against Steve; but I would say that would have been equally influenced by how much evidence OP had.
        – JMac
        11 hours ago








      6




      6




      I think that the behaviour of manager Steve has definitely contributed to OP's problems. But a lot of the conclusions that assign motivations and beliefs here seem a little hasty without additional information e.g. "Steve definitely set you up to fail as a senior dev." Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity etc . . . perhaps Steve really fancied himself as a wise old teacher, and coped badly when he realised it wasn't working
      – Neil Slater
      14 hours ago






      I think that the behaviour of manager Steve has definitely contributed to OP's problems. But a lot of the conclusions that assign motivations and beliefs here seem a little hasty without additional information e.g. "Steve definitely set you up to fail as a senior dev." Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity etc . . . perhaps Steve really fancied himself as a wise old teacher, and coped badly when he realised it wasn't working
      – Neil Slater
      14 hours ago






      1




      1




      I concur with this answer. It reads like 'Steve' already decided to get rid of the author before the promotion was made. The real reason will probably never surface.
      – Erwin
      14 hours ago




      I concur with this answer. It reads like 'Steve' already decided to get rid of the author before the promotion was made. The real reason will probably never surface.
      – Erwin
      14 hours ago












      "It was HR's conclusion that Steve's work is more important than yours, so their internal investigation came out blank." I think it may be a bit much to claim that without proof. It could be as simple as they did not have evidence to take action against him. Honestly, I can't see HR directly basing a decision off that, especially if OP had it documented well; because then they would be leaving a potentially huge liability. HR probably didn't want to take action against Steve; but I would say that would have been equally influenced by how much evidence OP had.
      – JMac
      11 hours ago




      "It was HR's conclusion that Steve's work is more important than yours, so their internal investigation came out blank." I think it may be a bit much to claim that without proof. It could be as simple as they did not have evidence to take action against him. Honestly, I can't see HR directly basing a decision off that, especially if OP had it documented well; because then they would be leaving a potentially huge liability. HR probably didn't want to take action against Steve; but I would say that would have been equally influenced by how much evidence OP had.
      – JMac
      11 hours ago










      up vote
      1
      down vote













      Your manager acted petty (or maybe you did not understand the situation completely but let's assume you are right), but your question is unjustified now. If you wanted to salvage the relation, that should have been your first approach rather than going to HR. By going to HR you made an implicit judgment that the relationship was not salvageable in the first place.



      However, even though you could (and should) have picked a better response to your manager's behavior, I don't think it is all only your fault.





      It is unfortunate that your colleagues couched when asked formally by HR. Also, it is unfortunate that your manager's manager preferred taking his friend's side rather than taking the right side.





      Since the relation is not salvageable unless someone has a sudden change of heart and this guy in question is your manager, the best direction is to get a new job.



      It may be bitter tasting but it is the next best thing that can happen to you.






      share|improve this answer

























        up vote
        1
        down vote













        Your manager acted petty (or maybe you did not understand the situation completely but let's assume you are right), but your question is unjustified now. If you wanted to salvage the relation, that should have been your first approach rather than going to HR. By going to HR you made an implicit judgment that the relationship was not salvageable in the first place.



        However, even though you could (and should) have picked a better response to your manager's behavior, I don't think it is all only your fault.





        It is unfortunate that your colleagues couched when asked formally by HR. Also, it is unfortunate that your manager's manager preferred taking his friend's side rather than taking the right side.





        Since the relation is not salvageable unless someone has a sudden change of heart and this guy in question is your manager, the best direction is to get a new job.



        It may be bitter tasting but it is the next best thing that can happen to you.






        share|improve this answer























          up vote
          1
          down vote










          up vote
          1
          down vote









          Your manager acted petty (or maybe you did not understand the situation completely but let's assume you are right), but your question is unjustified now. If you wanted to salvage the relation, that should have been your first approach rather than going to HR. By going to HR you made an implicit judgment that the relationship was not salvageable in the first place.



          However, even though you could (and should) have picked a better response to your manager's behavior, I don't think it is all only your fault.





          It is unfortunate that your colleagues couched when asked formally by HR. Also, it is unfortunate that your manager's manager preferred taking his friend's side rather than taking the right side.





          Since the relation is not salvageable unless someone has a sudden change of heart and this guy in question is your manager, the best direction is to get a new job.



          It may be bitter tasting but it is the next best thing that can happen to you.






          share|improve this answer












          Your manager acted petty (or maybe you did not understand the situation completely but let's assume you are right), but your question is unjustified now. If you wanted to salvage the relation, that should have been your first approach rather than going to HR. By going to HR you made an implicit judgment that the relationship was not salvageable in the first place.



          However, even though you could (and should) have picked a better response to your manager's behavior, I don't think it is all only your fault.





          It is unfortunate that your colleagues couched when asked formally by HR. Also, it is unfortunate that your manager's manager preferred taking his friend's side rather than taking the right side.





          Since the relation is not salvageable unless someone has a sudden change of heart and this guy in question is your manager, the best direction is to get a new job.



          It may be bitter tasting but it is the next best thing that can happen to you.







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          answered 9 hours ago









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              up vote
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              OP I'm sorry but I think that the "investigation" was basically over in a week. You were given 9 weeks to begin searching for a new job, which you did not take the hint for. I say this because software developers are not a resource that is wasted lightly.



              Update your resume and start looking immediately, additionally note how your other coworkers are treating you; you'll need to get references from someone at this company who is not Steve or in the HR hierarchy who have dismissed your claims of harassment.






              share|improve this answer



























                up vote
                0
                down vote













                OP I'm sorry but I think that the "investigation" was basically over in a week. You were given 9 weeks to begin searching for a new job, which you did not take the hint for. I say this because software developers are not a resource that is wasted lightly.



                Update your resume and start looking immediately, additionally note how your other coworkers are treating you; you'll need to get references from someone at this company who is not Steve or in the HR hierarchy who have dismissed your claims of harassment.






                share|improve this answer

























                  up vote
                  0
                  down vote










                  up vote
                  0
                  down vote









                  OP I'm sorry but I think that the "investigation" was basically over in a week. You were given 9 weeks to begin searching for a new job, which you did not take the hint for. I say this because software developers are not a resource that is wasted lightly.



                  Update your resume and start looking immediately, additionally note how your other coworkers are treating you; you'll need to get references from someone at this company who is not Steve or in the HR hierarchy who have dismissed your claims of harassment.






                  share|improve this answer














                  OP I'm sorry but I think that the "investigation" was basically over in a week. You were given 9 weeks to begin searching for a new job, which you did not take the hint for. I say this because software developers are not a resource that is wasted lightly.



                  Update your resume and start looking immediately, additionally note how your other coworkers are treating you; you'll need to get references from someone at this company who is not Steve or in the HR hierarchy who have dismissed your claims of harassment.







                  share|improve this answer














                  share|improve this answer



                  share|improve this answer








                  edited 4 hours ago

























                  answered 4 hours ago









                  C Bauer

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