Is there anything better I can say to coworkers after taking a day off for mental health, when they ask?












95















I have a condition that pretty much never surfaces thanks to medicine. Sometimes though, effects can creep back. This happened the other night and I didn't feel safe going in, so I called out sick, just announcing I wasn't feeling well.



I have awesome coworkers, friendly and supportive, and
tomorrow they're sure to ask how I'm feeling, sometimes things like, e.g. "Did you catch the cold that's going around the office? Are you better now?"



I feel sketchy taking random single days off and never saying why. To them I feel like I seem to recover 100% by the next day, apparently after being too sick to log on even remotely. (Working from home is common and acceptable.) I'm also not a natural conversationalist so my responses don't help. ("Yup, better.")



In the past I've used excuses like "food poisoning." Or, I've pretended to actually be a little sick the next day. Obviously it's not my first choice to lie, but it's to keep my privacy while not raising suspicion, or making well-meaning coworkers feel weird for asking.



Are there any more tactful approaches I can take that's worked for anyone else? Or maybe just, a more acceptable lie I'd feel less guilty about?










share|improve this question




















  • 21





    Can't you just say that you are better now? There is no lie in that

    – Mawg
    Feb 8 '18 at 15:12






  • 3





    Can you just say "I took a mental day"? (Or, if not, what's wrong with saying that?)

    – HopelessN00b
    Feb 8 '18 at 16:44






  • 1





    @JimmyJames yeah, that’s what I was getting at. People take “mental health days” all the time for reasons having nothing to do with mental illness... why not ride that implication?

    – HopelessN00b
    Feb 8 '18 at 22:54






  • 20





    If you don't want to reveal anything, you might want to change your login name on stackexchange and remove the mention of your employer. Your question is now a "Hot network question" and will get many views.

    – Eric Duminil
    Feb 9 '18 at 8:41






  • 1





    I'd consider using a pseudonym when asking questions here as you're discussing a very personal issue.

    – Nobilis
    Feb 11 '18 at 16:39
















95















I have a condition that pretty much never surfaces thanks to medicine. Sometimes though, effects can creep back. This happened the other night and I didn't feel safe going in, so I called out sick, just announcing I wasn't feeling well.



I have awesome coworkers, friendly and supportive, and
tomorrow they're sure to ask how I'm feeling, sometimes things like, e.g. "Did you catch the cold that's going around the office? Are you better now?"



I feel sketchy taking random single days off and never saying why. To them I feel like I seem to recover 100% by the next day, apparently after being too sick to log on even remotely. (Working from home is common and acceptable.) I'm also not a natural conversationalist so my responses don't help. ("Yup, better.")



In the past I've used excuses like "food poisoning." Or, I've pretended to actually be a little sick the next day. Obviously it's not my first choice to lie, but it's to keep my privacy while not raising suspicion, or making well-meaning coworkers feel weird for asking.



Are there any more tactful approaches I can take that's worked for anyone else? Or maybe just, a more acceptable lie I'd feel less guilty about?










share|improve this question




















  • 21





    Can't you just say that you are better now? There is no lie in that

    – Mawg
    Feb 8 '18 at 15:12






  • 3





    Can you just say "I took a mental day"? (Or, if not, what's wrong with saying that?)

    – HopelessN00b
    Feb 8 '18 at 16:44






  • 1





    @JimmyJames yeah, that’s what I was getting at. People take “mental health days” all the time for reasons having nothing to do with mental illness... why not ride that implication?

    – HopelessN00b
    Feb 8 '18 at 22:54






  • 20





    If you don't want to reveal anything, you might want to change your login name on stackexchange and remove the mention of your employer. Your question is now a "Hot network question" and will get many views.

    – Eric Duminil
    Feb 9 '18 at 8:41






  • 1





    I'd consider using a pseudonym when asking questions here as you're discussing a very personal issue.

    – Nobilis
    Feb 11 '18 at 16:39














95












95








95


12






I have a condition that pretty much never surfaces thanks to medicine. Sometimes though, effects can creep back. This happened the other night and I didn't feel safe going in, so I called out sick, just announcing I wasn't feeling well.



I have awesome coworkers, friendly and supportive, and
tomorrow they're sure to ask how I'm feeling, sometimes things like, e.g. "Did you catch the cold that's going around the office? Are you better now?"



I feel sketchy taking random single days off and never saying why. To them I feel like I seem to recover 100% by the next day, apparently after being too sick to log on even remotely. (Working from home is common and acceptable.) I'm also not a natural conversationalist so my responses don't help. ("Yup, better.")



In the past I've used excuses like "food poisoning." Or, I've pretended to actually be a little sick the next day. Obviously it's not my first choice to lie, but it's to keep my privacy while not raising suspicion, or making well-meaning coworkers feel weird for asking.



Are there any more tactful approaches I can take that's worked for anyone else? Or maybe just, a more acceptable lie I'd feel less guilty about?










share|improve this question
















I have a condition that pretty much never surfaces thanks to medicine. Sometimes though, effects can creep back. This happened the other night and I didn't feel safe going in, so I called out sick, just announcing I wasn't feeling well.



I have awesome coworkers, friendly and supportive, and
tomorrow they're sure to ask how I'm feeling, sometimes things like, e.g. "Did you catch the cold that's going around the office? Are you better now?"



I feel sketchy taking random single days off and never saying why. To them I feel like I seem to recover 100% by the next day, apparently after being too sick to log on even remotely. (Working from home is common and acceptable.) I'm also not a natural conversationalist so my responses don't help. ("Yup, better.")



In the past I've used excuses like "food poisoning." Or, I've pretended to actually be a little sick the next day. Obviously it's not my first choice to lie, but it's to keep my privacy while not raising suspicion, or making well-meaning coworkers feel weird for asking.



Are there any more tactful approaches I can take that's worked for anyone else? Or maybe just, a more acceptable lie I'd feel less guilty about?







communication sickness time-off mental-health






share|improve this question















share|improve this question













share|improve this question




share|improve this question








edited 18 mins ago







Andrew Cheong

















asked Feb 8 '18 at 9:27









Andrew CheongAndrew Cheong

88921728




88921728








  • 21





    Can't you just say that you are better now? There is no lie in that

    – Mawg
    Feb 8 '18 at 15:12






  • 3





    Can you just say "I took a mental day"? (Or, if not, what's wrong with saying that?)

    – HopelessN00b
    Feb 8 '18 at 16:44






  • 1





    @JimmyJames yeah, that’s what I was getting at. People take “mental health days” all the time for reasons having nothing to do with mental illness... why not ride that implication?

    – HopelessN00b
    Feb 8 '18 at 22:54






  • 20





    If you don't want to reveal anything, you might want to change your login name on stackexchange and remove the mention of your employer. Your question is now a "Hot network question" and will get many views.

    – Eric Duminil
    Feb 9 '18 at 8:41






  • 1





    I'd consider using a pseudonym when asking questions here as you're discussing a very personal issue.

    – Nobilis
    Feb 11 '18 at 16:39














  • 21





    Can't you just say that you are better now? There is no lie in that

    – Mawg
    Feb 8 '18 at 15:12






  • 3





    Can you just say "I took a mental day"? (Or, if not, what's wrong with saying that?)

    – HopelessN00b
    Feb 8 '18 at 16:44






  • 1





    @JimmyJames yeah, that’s what I was getting at. People take “mental health days” all the time for reasons having nothing to do with mental illness... why not ride that implication?

    – HopelessN00b
    Feb 8 '18 at 22:54






  • 20





    If you don't want to reveal anything, you might want to change your login name on stackexchange and remove the mention of your employer. Your question is now a "Hot network question" and will get many views.

    – Eric Duminil
    Feb 9 '18 at 8:41






  • 1





    I'd consider using a pseudonym when asking questions here as you're discussing a very personal issue.

    – Nobilis
    Feb 11 '18 at 16:39








21




21





Can't you just say that you are better now? There is no lie in that

– Mawg
Feb 8 '18 at 15:12





Can't you just say that you are better now? There is no lie in that

– Mawg
Feb 8 '18 at 15:12




3




3





Can you just say "I took a mental day"? (Or, if not, what's wrong with saying that?)

– HopelessN00b
Feb 8 '18 at 16:44





Can you just say "I took a mental day"? (Or, if not, what's wrong with saying that?)

– HopelessN00b
Feb 8 '18 at 16:44




1




1





@JimmyJames yeah, that’s what I was getting at. People take “mental health days” all the time for reasons having nothing to do with mental illness... why not ride that implication?

– HopelessN00b
Feb 8 '18 at 22:54





@JimmyJames yeah, that’s what I was getting at. People take “mental health days” all the time for reasons having nothing to do with mental illness... why not ride that implication?

– HopelessN00b
Feb 8 '18 at 22:54




20




20





If you don't want to reveal anything, you might want to change your login name on stackexchange and remove the mention of your employer. Your question is now a "Hot network question" and will get many views.

– Eric Duminil
Feb 9 '18 at 8:41





If you don't want to reveal anything, you might want to change your login name on stackexchange and remove the mention of your employer. Your question is now a "Hot network question" and will get many views.

– Eric Duminil
Feb 9 '18 at 8:41




1




1





I'd consider using a pseudonym when asking questions here as you're discussing a very personal issue.

– Nobilis
Feb 11 '18 at 16:39





I'd consider using a pseudonym when asking questions here as you're discussing a very personal issue.

– Nobilis
Feb 11 '18 at 16:39










9 Answers
9






active

oldest

votes


















171














Usually for me, the following simple phrase suffices:




I wasn't feeling too great yesterday, but am feeling a bit better
today. Thank you for asking




As your coworkers are supportive, the odds are they want to know that you're OK - you don't need to disclose any more than that to them.



If you show gratitude for their concern and indicate that you're feeling better, most people won't pry any further - and if they do, you're perfectly within your rights to say that you're feeling better but don't really fancy going into the details of what was wrong.






share|improve this answer





















  • 87





    This. Your coworkers ultimately aren't necessarily trying to pry, they're trying to show compassion and look out for your well being, which is a positive.

    – Matthew FitzGerald-Chamberlain
    Feb 8 '18 at 15:37






  • 4





    @MatthewFitzGerald-Chamberlain - Agreed! And it's because I know they simply care about me, that I don't want to respond impersonally, e.g. "That's none of your business." I'm really just looking for a better way to communicate; definitely not at odds with any party.

    – Andrew Cheong
    Feb 8 '18 at 16:42






  • 4





    @Fattie: I don't see where the OP claimed to have seen a doctor. Why do you think they did? Is there a comment I missed somewhere?

    – Mooing Duck
    Feb 8 '18 at 21:37








  • 7





    Also, a lot of people ask how you are out of politeness and don't actually really want to know the details, so a short response is usually enough.

    – rooby
    Feb 9 '18 at 9:38






  • 2





    if they're asking about a cold that's going around, you could add "I don't want to go into details but I can tell you it wasn't contagious - and I'm glad to be back to work!" Usually people assume it's food poisoning of some kind.

    – LeLetter
    Feb 9 '18 at 19:07



















41















Is there a more tactful route I can take that doesn't involve (as
much) lying?




It is none of their business, do not lie about it.



Lying is never a good idea, and almost always comes back to bite you. I would urge you to simply say "I was not feeling well, but I feel fine today." and then change the conversation with another line like "Did I miss anything yesterday?"



There are plenty of 24 hour illnesses that can be used to fill up the rumor mill, but I would not worry about this. Stick to the line above and do not elaborate.






share|improve this answer





















  • 7





    I would suggest referring to your company handbook too though. There's plenty of places that do strange things about frequency vs. duration of absence. Such that it can actually be better to take 2 days off, instead of 1, because it 'counts the same (or even slightly lower) because of the formula they use.

    – Sobrique
    Feb 8 '18 at 13:41






  • 5





    @Sobrique If the OP needs to worry about frequency vs duration of absence, they probably also need to be talking to their line manager and/or HR about the existence of their condition.

    – Martin Bonner
    Feb 9 '18 at 8:35






  • 3





    There are plenty of 24 hour illnesses this. I occasional suffer from migraine, due to a light sensitivity issue, that's so bad I barely can keep my eyes open or become sick to my stomach. It usually goes away after a night of sleep. I once even got a very high fever (40°C) which was gone in less than 24 hours.

    – r41n
    Feb 9 '18 at 8:44






  • 1





    @r41n ouch, that sucks. A friend of mine suffers from the cluster version of migraines....double ouch.

    – Mister Positive
    Feb 9 '18 at 12:00






  • 1





    I can't see what repercussions there would be from lying in this case though. Generally if you insert a common illness no further questions are asked. Most employees are really not that interested in what particular affliction you had to be absent, unless it is very frequent or you were away for a long time. Being evasive might actually make them more curious and more likely to spread rumours.

    – Crazymoomin
    Feb 11 '18 at 13:17



















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You do not have to disclose anything. But, if you just don't tell anything, everybody will suspect their own thing and it can start rumors. So this is one of the edge cases where I would suggest a harmless lie, as it is the best for all involved:



One day => terrible headache!



There is nothing more to tell about that, there are no after-effects like with a cold etc. and you can even prime the next event by telling you sometimes get those when really stressed.






share|improve this answer


























  • Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.

    – Monica Cellio
    Feb 11 '18 at 1:42



















9














I am in a similar position where I've had to take several days off to attend counselling sessions and to see my GP. The only person at my company who knows - as far as I know - is the HR department. The people I work with don't know.



I have had time off, and I've just said I've gone to the hospital for check ups. One person asked more questions about it, and I simply said that I appreciate the interest but it's not something I want to discuss as it's private.






share|improve this answer































    6














    "I had a medical condition flare up yesterday. Usually it's fine, and it seems fine again now. Yesterday was just an odd day, rather unusually bad. It's good to be back."



    This actually gives a lot of details about your personal experience, without a trace of the "mental" aspect of the situation. Since you are regularly taking medicine, that doesn't sound dishonest at all.



    If they press:



    "Truthfully I prefer not to get into those details with co-workers. I'm fine now, though, and expect to be good for some time."






    share|improve this answer































      2














      Here's a way of telling a coworker that you needed a time off for mental health-related reasons, without revealing the "mental" aspect of it.

      It's a strategy I used myself, and it worked out great.




      I have a neurological condition that is usually not a problem, but
      at times it may become prominent and requires my attention. But it's
      nothing too concerning. I'm alright. Thank you for asking!




      Perhaps replace "neurological" by "health", at your discretion. The key here is not mentioning "mental".



      Presumably, your condition is a neuropsychiatric one, so you are not lying.



      If your coworker still asks about what it is, exactly - which is a bit unlikely, since you implicitly avoiding being too specific should be taken as a hint - you may just say something among the lines of:




      Ah, I don't feel like talking about it right now, I'm sure you
      understand. But no need to worry about it, really.






      In fact, when I said this after returning to work at my previous workplace, one of my most intimate colleagues asked me, in private, if I'd mind telling him specifically what problem it was, and I saw no reason not to. In my case, it was major depressive disorder, which he happened to know about, more than I anticipated.






      share|improve this answer

































        1














        It should be enough to just say "I was feeling unwell, but I'm doing better today!"



        If a coworker presses the question and you don't mind sharing a little, responding with a partial truth like "I didn't sleep at all, but I managed to catch up somewhat" might be enough to assuage your coworkers' curiosity. (But I'd avoid saying anything false!)



        As a general strategy, if you want personal details to stay personal, try to avoid sharing personal details in other situations. If one of your coworker normally sends detailed emails like




        I'm down with TB, expect me back in 30 days o.O




        or




        Both kids are sick with stomach flu. Better up than down at least! Back tomorrow!




        then sending a mail like




        Sick. Not sure if I'll be better tomorrow..."




        will probably invite curiosity. (This strategy applies to other personal leaves -- if don't want to reveal that you're taking a personal day to marathon both LOTR trilogies, don't broadcast details for other vacations you're taking.)






        share|improve this answer































          -2














          I'd suggest spinning it as "I had a severe headache" (or migraine). It fits right along the lines of something in your brain/head area that was affecting you, rather than revealing the true reason. You're also less likely to show 'tell signs' that you're lying, as opposed to claiming something completely different like "I had a house fire".






          share|improve this answer































            -7














            As an alternative to all the other answers so-far, consider giving a reply that distracts and redirects attention from the underlying cause of your day out of the office.



            You could say something short like




            I was windsurfing with the visiting Maharaja.




            or a longer shaggy dog story, where you can be creative.



            The point is to retarget interest onto something else and away from you without giving the real reason for the gap in attendance.





            "but that's lying?!" I hear you think. Instead, consider it a Tall Tale (wikipedia).



            The purpose is to re-aim the questioner's interest onto something else, and ideally forget about their question of "why were you not at work yesterday?"






            share|improve this answer


























            • @AndyT this stack seems to suffer from a lack of variety in answers. So far it has received { unwell, unwell, don't lie, private, unwell , unknown } as answers, which are all kinda similar. So here's a completely different reply. Isn't SE about getting a selection of answers to vote on? And a workplace without a bit of banter is a boring place to work.

              – Criggie
              Feb 9 '18 at 18:06






            • 1





              I don't mind the downvotes - but you are encouraged to make a comment when downvoting. Feel free to say whats wrong.

              – Criggie
              Feb 11 '18 at 9:07






            • 2





              What's missing: the why. What do you gain by doing that? I think I understand your point and if you are usually the leader in the group and everyone listens to you in the break, telling a nice story can be good. But I don't think that a) the OP does that (otherwise he won't ask here) and b) that the situation is more if someone asks him directly. Those people are usually not interested in a long story but wanna be polite and may just care about him. No need to bore them with a long lie.

              – Mayou36
              Feb 11 '18 at 13:25






            • 1





              @Mayou36 fair enough - This probably highlights the difference in workplace cultures across the world. The american offices in my company appear to be particularly adversarial, battling for position and not giving away "weaknesses" whereas the european and southern ones seem to be less combative. Every other answer appears to be minimising the information shared and hiding the reason for OP's day off.

              – Criggie
              Feb 12 '18 at 0:19






            • 2





              @Criggie, the cultural difference could be the crucial point. I think this answers the why. I would propose you to add this to your answer, for which environment and kind of personality this works.

              – Mayou36
              Feb 12 '18 at 11:01










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            9 Answers
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            9 Answers
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            active

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            active

            oldest

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            171














            Usually for me, the following simple phrase suffices:




            I wasn't feeling too great yesterday, but am feeling a bit better
            today. Thank you for asking




            As your coworkers are supportive, the odds are they want to know that you're OK - you don't need to disclose any more than that to them.



            If you show gratitude for their concern and indicate that you're feeling better, most people won't pry any further - and if they do, you're perfectly within your rights to say that you're feeling better but don't really fancy going into the details of what was wrong.






            share|improve this answer





















            • 87





              This. Your coworkers ultimately aren't necessarily trying to pry, they're trying to show compassion and look out for your well being, which is a positive.

              – Matthew FitzGerald-Chamberlain
              Feb 8 '18 at 15:37






            • 4





              @MatthewFitzGerald-Chamberlain - Agreed! And it's because I know they simply care about me, that I don't want to respond impersonally, e.g. "That's none of your business." I'm really just looking for a better way to communicate; definitely not at odds with any party.

              – Andrew Cheong
              Feb 8 '18 at 16:42






            • 4





              @Fattie: I don't see where the OP claimed to have seen a doctor. Why do you think they did? Is there a comment I missed somewhere?

              – Mooing Duck
              Feb 8 '18 at 21:37








            • 7





              Also, a lot of people ask how you are out of politeness and don't actually really want to know the details, so a short response is usually enough.

              – rooby
              Feb 9 '18 at 9:38






            • 2





              if they're asking about a cold that's going around, you could add "I don't want to go into details but I can tell you it wasn't contagious - and I'm glad to be back to work!" Usually people assume it's food poisoning of some kind.

              – LeLetter
              Feb 9 '18 at 19:07
















            171














            Usually for me, the following simple phrase suffices:




            I wasn't feeling too great yesterday, but am feeling a bit better
            today. Thank you for asking




            As your coworkers are supportive, the odds are they want to know that you're OK - you don't need to disclose any more than that to them.



            If you show gratitude for their concern and indicate that you're feeling better, most people won't pry any further - and if they do, you're perfectly within your rights to say that you're feeling better but don't really fancy going into the details of what was wrong.






            share|improve this answer





















            • 87





              This. Your coworkers ultimately aren't necessarily trying to pry, they're trying to show compassion and look out for your well being, which is a positive.

              – Matthew FitzGerald-Chamberlain
              Feb 8 '18 at 15:37






            • 4





              @MatthewFitzGerald-Chamberlain - Agreed! And it's because I know they simply care about me, that I don't want to respond impersonally, e.g. "That's none of your business." I'm really just looking for a better way to communicate; definitely not at odds with any party.

              – Andrew Cheong
              Feb 8 '18 at 16:42






            • 4





              @Fattie: I don't see where the OP claimed to have seen a doctor. Why do you think they did? Is there a comment I missed somewhere?

              – Mooing Duck
              Feb 8 '18 at 21:37








            • 7





              Also, a lot of people ask how you are out of politeness and don't actually really want to know the details, so a short response is usually enough.

              – rooby
              Feb 9 '18 at 9:38






            • 2





              if they're asking about a cold that's going around, you could add "I don't want to go into details but I can tell you it wasn't contagious - and I'm glad to be back to work!" Usually people assume it's food poisoning of some kind.

              – LeLetter
              Feb 9 '18 at 19:07














            171












            171








            171







            Usually for me, the following simple phrase suffices:




            I wasn't feeling too great yesterday, but am feeling a bit better
            today. Thank you for asking




            As your coworkers are supportive, the odds are they want to know that you're OK - you don't need to disclose any more than that to them.



            If you show gratitude for their concern and indicate that you're feeling better, most people won't pry any further - and if they do, you're perfectly within your rights to say that you're feeling better but don't really fancy going into the details of what was wrong.






            share|improve this answer















            Usually for me, the following simple phrase suffices:




            I wasn't feeling too great yesterday, but am feeling a bit better
            today. Thank you for asking




            As your coworkers are supportive, the odds are they want to know that you're OK - you don't need to disclose any more than that to them.



            If you show gratitude for their concern and indicate that you're feeling better, most people won't pry any further - and if they do, you're perfectly within your rights to say that you're feeling better but don't really fancy going into the details of what was wrong.







            share|improve this answer














            share|improve this answer



            share|improve this answer








            edited Feb 8 '18 at 13:36









            Draken

            8,69073949




            8,69073949










            answered Feb 8 '18 at 13:01









            DanielDaniel

            1,004133




            1,004133








            • 87





              This. Your coworkers ultimately aren't necessarily trying to pry, they're trying to show compassion and look out for your well being, which is a positive.

              – Matthew FitzGerald-Chamberlain
              Feb 8 '18 at 15:37






            • 4





              @MatthewFitzGerald-Chamberlain - Agreed! And it's because I know they simply care about me, that I don't want to respond impersonally, e.g. "That's none of your business." I'm really just looking for a better way to communicate; definitely not at odds with any party.

              – Andrew Cheong
              Feb 8 '18 at 16:42






            • 4





              @Fattie: I don't see where the OP claimed to have seen a doctor. Why do you think they did? Is there a comment I missed somewhere?

              – Mooing Duck
              Feb 8 '18 at 21:37








            • 7





              Also, a lot of people ask how you are out of politeness and don't actually really want to know the details, so a short response is usually enough.

              – rooby
              Feb 9 '18 at 9:38






            • 2





              if they're asking about a cold that's going around, you could add "I don't want to go into details but I can tell you it wasn't contagious - and I'm glad to be back to work!" Usually people assume it's food poisoning of some kind.

              – LeLetter
              Feb 9 '18 at 19:07














            • 87





              This. Your coworkers ultimately aren't necessarily trying to pry, they're trying to show compassion and look out for your well being, which is a positive.

              – Matthew FitzGerald-Chamberlain
              Feb 8 '18 at 15:37






            • 4





              @MatthewFitzGerald-Chamberlain - Agreed! And it's because I know they simply care about me, that I don't want to respond impersonally, e.g. "That's none of your business." I'm really just looking for a better way to communicate; definitely not at odds with any party.

              – Andrew Cheong
              Feb 8 '18 at 16:42






            • 4





              @Fattie: I don't see where the OP claimed to have seen a doctor. Why do you think they did? Is there a comment I missed somewhere?

              – Mooing Duck
              Feb 8 '18 at 21:37








            • 7





              Also, a lot of people ask how you are out of politeness and don't actually really want to know the details, so a short response is usually enough.

              – rooby
              Feb 9 '18 at 9:38






            • 2





              if they're asking about a cold that's going around, you could add "I don't want to go into details but I can tell you it wasn't contagious - and I'm glad to be back to work!" Usually people assume it's food poisoning of some kind.

              – LeLetter
              Feb 9 '18 at 19:07








            87




            87





            This. Your coworkers ultimately aren't necessarily trying to pry, they're trying to show compassion and look out for your well being, which is a positive.

            – Matthew FitzGerald-Chamberlain
            Feb 8 '18 at 15:37





            This. Your coworkers ultimately aren't necessarily trying to pry, they're trying to show compassion and look out for your well being, which is a positive.

            – Matthew FitzGerald-Chamberlain
            Feb 8 '18 at 15:37




            4




            4





            @MatthewFitzGerald-Chamberlain - Agreed! And it's because I know they simply care about me, that I don't want to respond impersonally, e.g. "That's none of your business." I'm really just looking for a better way to communicate; definitely not at odds with any party.

            – Andrew Cheong
            Feb 8 '18 at 16:42





            @MatthewFitzGerald-Chamberlain - Agreed! And it's because I know they simply care about me, that I don't want to respond impersonally, e.g. "That's none of your business." I'm really just looking for a better way to communicate; definitely not at odds with any party.

            – Andrew Cheong
            Feb 8 '18 at 16:42




            4




            4





            @Fattie: I don't see where the OP claimed to have seen a doctor. Why do you think they did? Is there a comment I missed somewhere?

            – Mooing Duck
            Feb 8 '18 at 21:37







            @Fattie: I don't see where the OP claimed to have seen a doctor. Why do you think they did? Is there a comment I missed somewhere?

            – Mooing Duck
            Feb 8 '18 at 21:37






            7




            7





            Also, a lot of people ask how you are out of politeness and don't actually really want to know the details, so a short response is usually enough.

            – rooby
            Feb 9 '18 at 9:38





            Also, a lot of people ask how you are out of politeness and don't actually really want to know the details, so a short response is usually enough.

            – rooby
            Feb 9 '18 at 9:38




            2




            2





            if they're asking about a cold that's going around, you could add "I don't want to go into details but I can tell you it wasn't contagious - and I'm glad to be back to work!" Usually people assume it's food poisoning of some kind.

            – LeLetter
            Feb 9 '18 at 19:07





            if they're asking about a cold that's going around, you could add "I don't want to go into details but I can tell you it wasn't contagious - and I'm glad to be back to work!" Usually people assume it's food poisoning of some kind.

            – LeLetter
            Feb 9 '18 at 19:07













            41















            Is there a more tactful route I can take that doesn't involve (as
            much) lying?




            It is none of their business, do not lie about it.



            Lying is never a good idea, and almost always comes back to bite you. I would urge you to simply say "I was not feeling well, but I feel fine today." and then change the conversation with another line like "Did I miss anything yesterday?"



            There are plenty of 24 hour illnesses that can be used to fill up the rumor mill, but I would not worry about this. Stick to the line above and do not elaborate.






            share|improve this answer





















            • 7





              I would suggest referring to your company handbook too though. There's plenty of places that do strange things about frequency vs. duration of absence. Such that it can actually be better to take 2 days off, instead of 1, because it 'counts the same (or even slightly lower) because of the formula they use.

              – Sobrique
              Feb 8 '18 at 13:41






            • 5





              @Sobrique If the OP needs to worry about frequency vs duration of absence, they probably also need to be talking to their line manager and/or HR about the existence of their condition.

              – Martin Bonner
              Feb 9 '18 at 8:35






            • 3





              There are plenty of 24 hour illnesses this. I occasional suffer from migraine, due to a light sensitivity issue, that's so bad I barely can keep my eyes open or become sick to my stomach. It usually goes away after a night of sleep. I once even got a very high fever (40°C) which was gone in less than 24 hours.

              – r41n
              Feb 9 '18 at 8:44






            • 1





              @r41n ouch, that sucks. A friend of mine suffers from the cluster version of migraines....double ouch.

              – Mister Positive
              Feb 9 '18 at 12:00






            • 1





              I can't see what repercussions there would be from lying in this case though. Generally if you insert a common illness no further questions are asked. Most employees are really not that interested in what particular affliction you had to be absent, unless it is very frequent or you were away for a long time. Being evasive might actually make them more curious and more likely to spread rumours.

              – Crazymoomin
              Feb 11 '18 at 13:17
















            41















            Is there a more tactful route I can take that doesn't involve (as
            much) lying?




            It is none of their business, do not lie about it.



            Lying is never a good idea, and almost always comes back to bite you. I would urge you to simply say "I was not feeling well, but I feel fine today." and then change the conversation with another line like "Did I miss anything yesterday?"



            There are plenty of 24 hour illnesses that can be used to fill up the rumor mill, but I would not worry about this. Stick to the line above and do not elaborate.






            share|improve this answer





















            • 7





              I would suggest referring to your company handbook too though. There's plenty of places that do strange things about frequency vs. duration of absence. Such that it can actually be better to take 2 days off, instead of 1, because it 'counts the same (or even slightly lower) because of the formula they use.

              – Sobrique
              Feb 8 '18 at 13:41






            • 5





              @Sobrique If the OP needs to worry about frequency vs duration of absence, they probably also need to be talking to their line manager and/or HR about the existence of their condition.

              – Martin Bonner
              Feb 9 '18 at 8:35






            • 3





              There are plenty of 24 hour illnesses this. I occasional suffer from migraine, due to a light sensitivity issue, that's so bad I barely can keep my eyes open or become sick to my stomach. It usually goes away after a night of sleep. I once even got a very high fever (40°C) which was gone in less than 24 hours.

              – r41n
              Feb 9 '18 at 8:44






            • 1





              @r41n ouch, that sucks. A friend of mine suffers from the cluster version of migraines....double ouch.

              – Mister Positive
              Feb 9 '18 at 12:00






            • 1





              I can't see what repercussions there would be from lying in this case though. Generally if you insert a common illness no further questions are asked. Most employees are really not that interested in what particular affliction you had to be absent, unless it is very frequent or you were away for a long time. Being evasive might actually make them more curious and more likely to spread rumours.

              – Crazymoomin
              Feb 11 '18 at 13:17














            41












            41








            41








            Is there a more tactful route I can take that doesn't involve (as
            much) lying?




            It is none of their business, do not lie about it.



            Lying is never a good idea, and almost always comes back to bite you. I would urge you to simply say "I was not feeling well, but I feel fine today." and then change the conversation with another line like "Did I miss anything yesterday?"



            There are plenty of 24 hour illnesses that can be used to fill up the rumor mill, but I would not worry about this. Stick to the line above and do not elaborate.






            share|improve this answer
















            Is there a more tactful route I can take that doesn't involve (as
            much) lying?




            It is none of their business, do not lie about it.



            Lying is never a good idea, and almost always comes back to bite you. I would urge you to simply say "I was not feeling well, but I feel fine today." and then change the conversation with another line like "Did I miss anything yesterday?"



            There are plenty of 24 hour illnesses that can be used to fill up the rumor mill, but I would not worry about this. Stick to the line above and do not elaborate.







            share|improve this answer














            share|improve this answer



            share|improve this answer








            edited Feb 9 '18 at 0:05

























            answered Feb 8 '18 at 13:29









            Mister PositiveMister Positive

            63.1k34208250




            63.1k34208250








            • 7





              I would suggest referring to your company handbook too though. There's plenty of places that do strange things about frequency vs. duration of absence. Such that it can actually be better to take 2 days off, instead of 1, because it 'counts the same (or even slightly lower) because of the formula they use.

              – Sobrique
              Feb 8 '18 at 13:41






            • 5





              @Sobrique If the OP needs to worry about frequency vs duration of absence, they probably also need to be talking to their line manager and/or HR about the existence of their condition.

              – Martin Bonner
              Feb 9 '18 at 8:35






            • 3





              There are plenty of 24 hour illnesses this. I occasional suffer from migraine, due to a light sensitivity issue, that's so bad I barely can keep my eyes open or become sick to my stomach. It usually goes away after a night of sleep. I once even got a very high fever (40°C) which was gone in less than 24 hours.

              – r41n
              Feb 9 '18 at 8:44






            • 1





              @r41n ouch, that sucks. A friend of mine suffers from the cluster version of migraines....double ouch.

              – Mister Positive
              Feb 9 '18 at 12:00






            • 1





              I can't see what repercussions there would be from lying in this case though. Generally if you insert a common illness no further questions are asked. Most employees are really not that interested in what particular affliction you had to be absent, unless it is very frequent or you were away for a long time. Being evasive might actually make them more curious and more likely to spread rumours.

              – Crazymoomin
              Feb 11 '18 at 13:17














            • 7





              I would suggest referring to your company handbook too though. There's plenty of places that do strange things about frequency vs. duration of absence. Such that it can actually be better to take 2 days off, instead of 1, because it 'counts the same (or even slightly lower) because of the formula they use.

              – Sobrique
              Feb 8 '18 at 13:41






            • 5





              @Sobrique If the OP needs to worry about frequency vs duration of absence, they probably also need to be talking to their line manager and/or HR about the existence of their condition.

              – Martin Bonner
              Feb 9 '18 at 8:35






            • 3





              There are plenty of 24 hour illnesses this. I occasional suffer from migraine, due to a light sensitivity issue, that's so bad I barely can keep my eyes open or become sick to my stomach. It usually goes away after a night of sleep. I once even got a very high fever (40°C) which was gone in less than 24 hours.

              – r41n
              Feb 9 '18 at 8:44






            • 1





              @r41n ouch, that sucks. A friend of mine suffers from the cluster version of migraines....double ouch.

              – Mister Positive
              Feb 9 '18 at 12:00






            • 1





              I can't see what repercussions there would be from lying in this case though. Generally if you insert a common illness no further questions are asked. Most employees are really not that interested in what particular affliction you had to be absent, unless it is very frequent or you were away for a long time. Being evasive might actually make them more curious and more likely to spread rumours.

              – Crazymoomin
              Feb 11 '18 at 13:17








            7




            7





            I would suggest referring to your company handbook too though. There's plenty of places that do strange things about frequency vs. duration of absence. Such that it can actually be better to take 2 days off, instead of 1, because it 'counts the same (or even slightly lower) because of the formula they use.

            – Sobrique
            Feb 8 '18 at 13:41





            I would suggest referring to your company handbook too though. There's plenty of places that do strange things about frequency vs. duration of absence. Such that it can actually be better to take 2 days off, instead of 1, because it 'counts the same (or even slightly lower) because of the formula they use.

            – Sobrique
            Feb 8 '18 at 13:41




            5




            5





            @Sobrique If the OP needs to worry about frequency vs duration of absence, they probably also need to be talking to their line manager and/or HR about the existence of their condition.

            – Martin Bonner
            Feb 9 '18 at 8:35





            @Sobrique If the OP needs to worry about frequency vs duration of absence, they probably also need to be talking to their line manager and/or HR about the existence of their condition.

            – Martin Bonner
            Feb 9 '18 at 8:35




            3




            3





            There are plenty of 24 hour illnesses this. I occasional suffer from migraine, due to a light sensitivity issue, that's so bad I barely can keep my eyes open or become sick to my stomach. It usually goes away after a night of sleep. I once even got a very high fever (40°C) which was gone in less than 24 hours.

            – r41n
            Feb 9 '18 at 8:44





            There are plenty of 24 hour illnesses this. I occasional suffer from migraine, due to a light sensitivity issue, that's so bad I barely can keep my eyes open or become sick to my stomach. It usually goes away after a night of sleep. I once even got a very high fever (40°C) which was gone in less than 24 hours.

            – r41n
            Feb 9 '18 at 8:44




            1




            1





            @r41n ouch, that sucks. A friend of mine suffers from the cluster version of migraines....double ouch.

            – Mister Positive
            Feb 9 '18 at 12:00





            @r41n ouch, that sucks. A friend of mine suffers from the cluster version of migraines....double ouch.

            – Mister Positive
            Feb 9 '18 at 12:00




            1




            1





            I can't see what repercussions there would be from lying in this case though. Generally if you insert a common illness no further questions are asked. Most employees are really not that interested in what particular affliction you had to be absent, unless it is very frequent or you were away for a long time. Being evasive might actually make them more curious and more likely to spread rumours.

            – Crazymoomin
            Feb 11 '18 at 13:17





            I can't see what repercussions there would be from lying in this case though. Generally if you insert a common illness no further questions are asked. Most employees are really not that interested in what particular affliction you had to be absent, unless it is very frequent or you were away for a long time. Being evasive might actually make them more curious and more likely to spread rumours.

            – Crazymoomin
            Feb 11 '18 at 13:17











            30














            You do not have to disclose anything. But, if you just don't tell anything, everybody will suspect their own thing and it can start rumors. So this is one of the edge cases where I would suggest a harmless lie, as it is the best for all involved:



            One day => terrible headache!



            There is nothing more to tell about that, there are no after-effects like with a cold etc. and you can even prime the next event by telling you sometimes get those when really stressed.






            share|improve this answer


























            • Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.

              – Monica Cellio
              Feb 11 '18 at 1:42
















            30














            You do not have to disclose anything. But, if you just don't tell anything, everybody will suspect their own thing and it can start rumors. So this is one of the edge cases where I would suggest a harmless lie, as it is the best for all involved:



            One day => terrible headache!



            There is nothing more to tell about that, there are no after-effects like with a cold etc. and you can even prime the next event by telling you sometimes get those when really stressed.






            share|improve this answer


























            • Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.

              – Monica Cellio
              Feb 11 '18 at 1:42














            30












            30








            30







            You do not have to disclose anything. But, if you just don't tell anything, everybody will suspect their own thing and it can start rumors. So this is one of the edge cases where I would suggest a harmless lie, as it is the best for all involved:



            One day => terrible headache!



            There is nothing more to tell about that, there are no after-effects like with a cold etc. and you can even prime the next event by telling you sometimes get those when really stressed.






            share|improve this answer















            You do not have to disclose anything. But, if you just don't tell anything, everybody will suspect their own thing and it can start rumors. So this is one of the edge cases where I would suggest a harmless lie, as it is the best for all involved:



            One day => terrible headache!



            There is nothing more to tell about that, there are no after-effects like with a cold etc. and you can even prime the next event by telling you sometimes get those when really stressed.







            share|improve this answer














            share|improve this answer



            share|improve this answer








            edited Feb 8 '18 at 15:39

























            answered Feb 8 '18 at 10:11









            DanielDaniel

            17.4k103663




            17.4k103663













            • Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.

              – Monica Cellio
              Feb 11 '18 at 1:42



















            • Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.

              – Monica Cellio
              Feb 11 '18 at 1:42

















            Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.

            – Monica Cellio
            Feb 11 '18 at 1:42





            Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.

            – Monica Cellio
            Feb 11 '18 at 1:42











            9














            I am in a similar position where I've had to take several days off to attend counselling sessions and to see my GP. The only person at my company who knows - as far as I know - is the HR department. The people I work with don't know.



            I have had time off, and I've just said I've gone to the hospital for check ups. One person asked more questions about it, and I simply said that I appreciate the interest but it's not something I want to discuss as it's private.






            share|improve this answer




























              9














              I am in a similar position where I've had to take several days off to attend counselling sessions and to see my GP. The only person at my company who knows - as far as I know - is the HR department. The people I work with don't know.



              I have had time off, and I've just said I've gone to the hospital for check ups. One person asked more questions about it, and I simply said that I appreciate the interest but it's not something I want to discuss as it's private.






              share|improve this answer


























                9












                9








                9







                I am in a similar position where I've had to take several days off to attend counselling sessions and to see my GP. The only person at my company who knows - as far as I know - is the HR department. The people I work with don't know.



                I have had time off, and I've just said I've gone to the hospital for check ups. One person asked more questions about it, and I simply said that I appreciate the interest but it's not something I want to discuss as it's private.






                share|improve this answer













                I am in a similar position where I've had to take several days off to attend counselling sessions and to see my GP. The only person at my company who knows - as far as I know - is the HR department. The people I work with don't know.



                I have had time off, and I've just said I've gone to the hospital for check ups. One person asked more questions about it, and I simply said that I appreciate the interest but it's not something I want to discuss as it's private.







                share|improve this answer












                share|improve this answer



                share|improve this answer










                answered Feb 8 '18 at 16:47









                mickburkejnrmickburkejnr

                1,881159




                1,881159























                    6














                    "I had a medical condition flare up yesterday. Usually it's fine, and it seems fine again now. Yesterday was just an odd day, rather unusually bad. It's good to be back."



                    This actually gives a lot of details about your personal experience, without a trace of the "mental" aspect of the situation. Since you are regularly taking medicine, that doesn't sound dishonest at all.



                    If they press:



                    "Truthfully I prefer not to get into those details with co-workers. I'm fine now, though, and expect to be good for some time."






                    share|improve this answer




























                      6














                      "I had a medical condition flare up yesterday. Usually it's fine, and it seems fine again now. Yesterday was just an odd day, rather unusually bad. It's good to be back."



                      This actually gives a lot of details about your personal experience, without a trace of the "mental" aspect of the situation. Since you are regularly taking medicine, that doesn't sound dishonest at all.



                      If they press:



                      "Truthfully I prefer not to get into those details with co-workers. I'm fine now, though, and expect to be good for some time."






                      share|improve this answer


























                        6












                        6








                        6







                        "I had a medical condition flare up yesterday. Usually it's fine, and it seems fine again now. Yesterday was just an odd day, rather unusually bad. It's good to be back."



                        This actually gives a lot of details about your personal experience, without a trace of the "mental" aspect of the situation. Since you are regularly taking medicine, that doesn't sound dishonest at all.



                        If they press:



                        "Truthfully I prefer not to get into those details with co-workers. I'm fine now, though, and expect to be good for some time."






                        share|improve this answer













                        "I had a medical condition flare up yesterday. Usually it's fine, and it seems fine again now. Yesterday was just an odd day, rather unusually bad. It's good to be back."



                        This actually gives a lot of details about your personal experience, without a trace of the "mental" aspect of the situation. Since you are regularly taking medicine, that doesn't sound dishonest at all.



                        If they press:



                        "Truthfully I prefer not to get into those details with co-workers. I'm fine now, though, and expect to be good for some time."







                        share|improve this answer












                        share|improve this answer



                        share|improve this answer










                        answered Feb 10 '18 at 21:36









                        TOOGAMTOOGAM

                        2,485612




                        2,485612























                            2














                            Here's a way of telling a coworker that you needed a time off for mental health-related reasons, without revealing the "mental" aspect of it.

                            It's a strategy I used myself, and it worked out great.




                            I have a neurological condition that is usually not a problem, but
                            at times it may become prominent and requires my attention. But it's
                            nothing too concerning. I'm alright. Thank you for asking!




                            Perhaps replace "neurological" by "health", at your discretion. The key here is not mentioning "mental".



                            Presumably, your condition is a neuropsychiatric one, so you are not lying.



                            If your coworker still asks about what it is, exactly - which is a bit unlikely, since you implicitly avoiding being too specific should be taken as a hint - you may just say something among the lines of:




                            Ah, I don't feel like talking about it right now, I'm sure you
                            understand. But no need to worry about it, really.






                            In fact, when I said this after returning to work at my previous workplace, one of my most intimate colleagues asked me, in private, if I'd mind telling him specifically what problem it was, and I saw no reason not to. In my case, it was major depressive disorder, which he happened to know about, more than I anticipated.






                            share|improve this answer






























                              2














                              Here's a way of telling a coworker that you needed a time off for mental health-related reasons, without revealing the "mental" aspect of it.

                              It's a strategy I used myself, and it worked out great.




                              I have a neurological condition that is usually not a problem, but
                              at times it may become prominent and requires my attention. But it's
                              nothing too concerning. I'm alright. Thank you for asking!




                              Perhaps replace "neurological" by "health", at your discretion. The key here is not mentioning "mental".



                              Presumably, your condition is a neuropsychiatric one, so you are not lying.



                              If your coworker still asks about what it is, exactly - which is a bit unlikely, since you implicitly avoiding being too specific should be taken as a hint - you may just say something among the lines of:




                              Ah, I don't feel like talking about it right now, I'm sure you
                              understand. But no need to worry about it, really.






                              In fact, when I said this after returning to work at my previous workplace, one of my most intimate colleagues asked me, in private, if I'd mind telling him specifically what problem it was, and I saw no reason not to. In my case, it was major depressive disorder, which he happened to know about, more than I anticipated.






                              share|improve this answer




























                                2












                                2








                                2







                                Here's a way of telling a coworker that you needed a time off for mental health-related reasons, without revealing the "mental" aspect of it.

                                It's a strategy I used myself, and it worked out great.




                                I have a neurological condition that is usually not a problem, but
                                at times it may become prominent and requires my attention. But it's
                                nothing too concerning. I'm alright. Thank you for asking!




                                Perhaps replace "neurological" by "health", at your discretion. The key here is not mentioning "mental".



                                Presumably, your condition is a neuropsychiatric one, so you are not lying.



                                If your coworker still asks about what it is, exactly - which is a bit unlikely, since you implicitly avoiding being too specific should be taken as a hint - you may just say something among the lines of:




                                Ah, I don't feel like talking about it right now, I'm sure you
                                understand. But no need to worry about it, really.






                                In fact, when I said this after returning to work at my previous workplace, one of my most intimate colleagues asked me, in private, if I'd mind telling him specifically what problem it was, and I saw no reason not to. In my case, it was major depressive disorder, which he happened to know about, more than I anticipated.






                                share|improve this answer















                                Here's a way of telling a coworker that you needed a time off for mental health-related reasons, without revealing the "mental" aspect of it.

                                It's a strategy I used myself, and it worked out great.




                                I have a neurological condition that is usually not a problem, but
                                at times it may become prominent and requires my attention. But it's
                                nothing too concerning. I'm alright. Thank you for asking!




                                Perhaps replace "neurological" by "health", at your discretion. The key here is not mentioning "mental".



                                Presumably, your condition is a neuropsychiatric one, so you are not lying.



                                If your coworker still asks about what it is, exactly - which is a bit unlikely, since you implicitly avoiding being too specific should be taken as a hint - you may just say something among the lines of:




                                Ah, I don't feel like talking about it right now, I'm sure you
                                understand. But no need to worry about it, really.






                                In fact, when I said this after returning to work at my previous workplace, one of my most intimate colleagues asked me, in private, if I'd mind telling him specifically what problem it was, and I saw no reason not to. In my case, it was major depressive disorder, which he happened to know about, more than I anticipated.







                                share|improve this answer














                                share|improve this answer



                                share|improve this answer








                                edited Mar 23 at 7:16

























                                answered Feb 10 '18 at 7:16









                                Marc.2377Marc.2377

                                288310




                                288310























                                    1














                                    It should be enough to just say "I was feeling unwell, but I'm doing better today!"



                                    If a coworker presses the question and you don't mind sharing a little, responding with a partial truth like "I didn't sleep at all, but I managed to catch up somewhat" might be enough to assuage your coworkers' curiosity. (But I'd avoid saying anything false!)



                                    As a general strategy, if you want personal details to stay personal, try to avoid sharing personal details in other situations. If one of your coworker normally sends detailed emails like




                                    I'm down with TB, expect me back in 30 days o.O




                                    or




                                    Both kids are sick with stomach flu. Better up than down at least! Back tomorrow!




                                    then sending a mail like




                                    Sick. Not sure if I'll be better tomorrow..."




                                    will probably invite curiosity. (This strategy applies to other personal leaves -- if don't want to reveal that you're taking a personal day to marathon both LOTR trilogies, don't broadcast details for other vacations you're taking.)






                                    share|improve this answer




























                                      1














                                      It should be enough to just say "I was feeling unwell, but I'm doing better today!"



                                      If a coworker presses the question and you don't mind sharing a little, responding with a partial truth like "I didn't sleep at all, but I managed to catch up somewhat" might be enough to assuage your coworkers' curiosity. (But I'd avoid saying anything false!)



                                      As a general strategy, if you want personal details to stay personal, try to avoid sharing personal details in other situations. If one of your coworker normally sends detailed emails like




                                      I'm down with TB, expect me back in 30 days o.O




                                      or




                                      Both kids are sick with stomach flu. Better up than down at least! Back tomorrow!




                                      then sending a mail like




                                      Sick. Not sure if I'll be better tomorrow..."




                                      will probably invite curiosity. (This strategy applies to other personal leaves -- if don't want to reveal that you're taking a personal day to marathon both LOTR trilogies, don't broadcast details for other vacations you're taking.)






                                      share|improve this answer


























                                        1












                                        1








                                        1







                                        It should be enough to just say "I was feeling unwell, but I'm doing better today!"



                                        If a coworker presses the question and you don't mind sharing a little, responding with a partial truth like "I didn't sleep at all, but I managed to catch up somewhat" might be enough to assuage your coworkers' curiosity. (But I'd avoid saying anything false!)



                                        As a general strategy, if you want personal details to stay personal, try to avoid sharing personal details in other situations. If one of your coworker normally sends detailed emails like




                                        I'm down with TB, expect me back in 30 days o.O




                                        or




                                        Both kids are sick with stomach flu. Better up than down at least! Back tomorrow!




                                        then sending a mail like




                                        Sick. Not sure if I'll be better tomorrow..."




                                        will probably invite curiosity. (This strategy applies to other personal leaves -- if don't want to reveal that you're taking a personal day to marathon both LOTR trilogies, don't broadcast details for other vacations you're taking.)






                                        share|improve this answer













                                        It should be enough to just say "I was feeling unwell, but I'm doing better today!"



                                        If a coworker presses the question and you don't mind sharing a little, responding with a partial truth like "I didn't sleep at all, but I managed to catch up somewhat" might be enough to assuage your coworkers' curiosity. (But I'd avoid saying anything false!)



                                        As a general strategy, if you want personal details to stay personal, try to avoid sharing personal details in other situations. If one of your coworker normally sends detailed emails like




                                        I'm down with TB, expect me back in 30 days o.O




                                        or




                                        Both kids are sick with stomach flu. Better up than down at least! Back tomorrow!




                                        then sending a mail like




                                        Sick. Not sure if I'll be better tomorrow..."




                                        will probably invite curiosity. (This strategy applies to other personal leaves -- if don't want to reveal that you're taking a personal day to marathon both LOTR trilogies, don't broadcast details for other vacations you're taking.)







                                        share|improve this answer












                                        share|improve this answer



                                        share|improve this answer










                                        answered Feb 8 '18 at 19:54









                                        Carl WalshCarl Walsh

                                        1113




                                        1113























                                            -2














                                            I'd suggest spinning it as "I had a severe headache" (or migraine). It fits right along the lines of something in your brain/head area that was affecting you, rather than revealing the true reason. You're also less likely to show 'tell signs' that you're lying, as opposed to claiming something completely different like "I had a house fire".






                                            share|improve this answer




























                                              -2














                                              I'd suggest spinning it as "I had a severe headache" (or migraine). It fits right along the lines of something in your brain/head area that was affecting you, rather than revealing the true reason. You're also less likely to show 'tell signs' that you're lying, as opposed to claiming something completely different like "I had a house fire".






                                              share|improve this answer


























                                                -2












                                                -2








                                                -2







                                                I'd suggest spinning it as "I had a severe headache" (or migraine). It fits right along the lines of something in your brain/head area that was affecting you, rather than revealing the true reason. You're also less likely to show 'tell signs' that you're lying, as opposed to claiming something completely different like "I had a house fire".






                                                share|improve this answer













                                                I'd suggest spinning it as "I had a severe headache" (or migraine). It fits right along the lines of something in your brain/head area that was affecting you, rather than revealing the true reason. You're also less likely to show 'tell signs' that you're lying, as opposed to claiming something completely different like "I had a house fire".







                                                share|improve this answer












                                                share|improve this answer



                                                share|improve this answer










                                                answered Feb 9 '18 at 18:24









                                                Mr HelperMr Helper

                                                9




                                                9























                                                    -7














                                                    As an alternative to all the other answers so-far, consider giving a reply that distracts and redirects attention from the underlying cause of your day out of the office.



                                                    You could say something short like




                                                    I was windsurfing with the visiting Maharaja.




                                                    or a longer shaggy dog story, where you can be creative.



                                                    The point is to retarget interest onto something else and away from you without giving the real reason for the gap in attendance.





                                                    "but that's lying?!" I hear you think. Instead, consider it a Tall Tale (wikipedia).



                                                    The purpose is to re-aim the questioner's interest onto something else, and ideally forget about their question of "why were you not at work yesterday?"






                                                    share|improve this answer


























                                                    • @AndyT this stack seems to suffer from a lack of variety in answers. So far it has received { unwell, unwell, don't lie, private, unwell , unknown } as answers, which are all kinda similar. So here's a completely different reply. Isn't SE about getting a selection of answers to vote on? And a workplace without a bit of banter is a boring place to work.

                                                      – Criggie
                                                      Feb 9 '18 at 18:06






                                                    • 1





                                                      I don't mind the downvotes - but you are encouraged to make a comment when downvoting. Feel free to say whats wrong.

                                                      – Criggie
                                                      Feb 11 '18 at 9:07






                                                    • 2





                                                      What's missing: the why. What do you gain by doing that? I think I understand your point and if you are usually the leader in the group and everyone listens to you in the break, telling a nice story can be good. But I don't think that a) the OP does that (otherwise he won't ask here) and b) that the situation is more if someone asks him directly. Those people are usually not interested in a long story but wanna be polite and may just care about him. No need to bore them with a long lie.

                                                      – Mayou36
                                                      Feb 11 '18 at 13:25






                                                    • 1





                                                      @Mayou36 fair enough - This probably highlights the difference in workplace cultures across the world. The american offices in my company appear to be particularly adversarial, battling for position and not giving away "weaknesses" whereas the european and southern ones seem to be less combative. Every other answer appears to be minimising the information shared and hiding the reason for OP's day off.

                                                      – Criggie
                                                      Feb 12 '18 at 0:19






                                                    • 2





                                                      @Criggie, the cultural difference could be the crucial point. I think this answers the why. I would propose you to add this to your answer, for which environment and kind of personality this works.

                                                      – Mayou36
                                                      Feb 12 '18 at 11:01
















                                                    -7














                                                    As an alternative to all the other answers so-far, consider giving a reply that distracts and redirects attention from the underlying cause of your day out of the office.



                                                    You could say something short like




                                                    I was windsurfing with the visiting Maharaja.




                                                    or a longer shaggy dog story, where you can be creative.



                                                    The point is to retarget interest onto something else and away from you without giving the real reason for the gap in attendance.





                                                    "but that's lying?!" I hear you think. Instead, consider it a Tall Tale (wikipedia).



                                                    The purpose is to re-aim the questioner's interest onto something else, and ideally forget about their question of "why were you not at work yesterday?"






                                                    share|improve this answer


























                                                    • @AndyT this stack seems to suffer from a lack of variety in answers. So far it has received { unwell, unwell, don't lie, private, unwell , unknown } as answers, which are all kinda similar. So here's a completely different reply. Isn't SE about getting a selection of answers to vote on? And a workplace without a bit of banter is a boring place to work.

                                                      – Criggie
                                                      Feb 9 '18 at 18:06






                                                    • 1





                                                      I don't mind the downvotes - but you are encouraged to make a comment when downvoting. Feel free to say whats wrong.

                                                      – Criggie
                                                      Feb 11 '18 at 9:07






                                                    • 2





                                                      What's missing: the why. What do you gain by doing that? I think I understand your point and if you are usually the leader in the group and everyone listens to you in the break, telling a nice story can be good. But I don't think that a) the OP does that (otherwise he won't ask here) and b) that the situation is more if someone asks him directly. Those people are usually not interested in a long story but wanna be polite and may just care about him. No need to bore them with a long lie.

                                                      – Mayou36
                                                      Feb 11 '18 at 13:25






                                                    • 1





                                                      @Mayou36 fair enough - This probably highlights the difference in workplace cultures across the world. The american offices in my company appear to be particularly adversarial, battling for position and not giving away "weaknesses" whereas the european and southern ones seem to be less combative. Every other answer appears to be minimising the information shared and hiding the reason for OP's day off.

                                                      – Criggie
                                                      Feb 12 '18 at 0:19






                                                    • 2





                                                      @Criggie, the cultural difference could be the crucial point. I think this answers the why. I would propose you to add this to your answer, for which environment and kind of personality this works.

                                                      – Mayou36
                                                      Feb 12 '18 at 11:01














                                                    -7












                                                    -7








                                                    -7







                                                    As an alternative to all the other answers so-far, consider giving a reply that distracts and redirects attention from the underlying cause of your day out of the office.



                                                    You could say something short like




                                                    I was windsurfing with the visiting Maharaja.




                                                    or a longer shaggy dog story, where you can be creative.



                                                    The point is to retarget interest onto something else and away from you without giving the real reason for the gap in attendance.





                                                    "but that's lying?!" I hear you think. Instead, consider it a Tall Tale (wikipedia).



                                                    The purpose is to re-aim the questioner's interest onto something else, and ideally forget about their question of "why were you not at work yesterday?"






                                                    share|improve this answer















                                                    As an alternative to all the other answers so-far, consider giving a reply that distracts and redirects attention from the underlying cause of your day out of the office.



                                                    You could say something short like




                                                    I was windsurfing with the visiting Maharaja.




                                                    or a longer shaggy dog story, where you can be creative.



                                                    The point is to retarget interest onto something else and away from you without giving the real reason for the gap in attendance.





                                                    "but that's lying?!" I hear you think. Instead, consider it a Tall Tale (wikipedia).



                                                    The purpose is to re-aim the questioner's interest onto something else, and ideally forget about their question of "why were you not at work yesterday?"







                                                    share|improve this answer














                                                    share|improve this answer



                                                    share|improve this answer








                                                    edited Feb 12 '18 at 11:09

























                                                    answered Feb 9 '18 at 7:28









                                                    CriggieCriggie

                                                    1,6541021




                                                    1,6541021













                                                    • @AndyT this stack seems to suffer from a lack of variety in answers. So far it has received { unwell, unwell, don't lie, private, unwell , unknown } as answers, which are all kinda similar. So here's a completely different reply. Isn't SE about getting a selection of answers to vote on? And a workplace without a bit of banter is a boring place to work.

                                                      – Criggie
                                                      Feb 9 '18 at 18:06






                                                    • 1





                                                      I don't mind the downvotes - but you are encouraged to make a comment when downvoting. Feel free to say whats wrong.

                                                      – Criggie
                                                      Feb 11 '18 at 9:07






                                                    • 2





                                                      What's missing: the why. What do you gain by doing that? I think I understand your point and if you are usually the leader in the group and everyone listens to you in the break, telling a nice story can be good. But I don't think that a) the OP does that (otherwise he won't ask here) and b) that the situation is more if someone asks him directly. Those people are usually not interested in a long story but wanna be polite and may just care about him. No need to bore them with a long lie.

                                                      – Mayou36
                                                      Feb 11 '18 at 13:25






                                                    • 1





                                                      @Mayou36 fair enough - This probably highlights the difference in workplace cultures across the world. The american offices in my company appear to be particularly adversarial, battling for position and not giving away "weaknesses" whereas the european and southern ones seem to be less combative. Every other answer appears to be minimising the information shared and hiding the reason for OP's day off.

                                                      – Criggie
                                                      Feb 12 '18 at 0:19






                                                    • 2





                                                      @Criggie, the cultural difference could be the crucial point. I think this answers the why. I would propose you to add this to your answer, for which environment and kind of personality this works.

                                                      – Mayou36
                                                      Feb 12 '18 at 11:01



















                                                    • @AndyT this stack seems to suffer from a lack of variety in answers. So far it has received { unwell, unwell, don't lie, private, unwell , unknown } as answers, which are all kinda similar. So here's a completely different reply. Isn't SE about getting a selection of answers to vote on? And a workplace without a bit of banter is a boring place to work.

                                                      – Criggie
                                                      Feb 9 '18 at 18:06






                                                    • 1





                                                      I don't mind the downvotes - but you are encouraged to make a comment when downvoting. Feel free to say whats wrong.

                                                      – Criggie
                                                      Feb 11 '18 at 9:07






                                                    • 2





                                                      What's missing: the why. What do you gain by doing that? I think I understand your point and if you are usually the leader in the group and everyone listens to you in the break, telling a nice story can be good. But I don't think that a) the OP does that (otherwise he won't ask here) and b) that the situation is more if someone asks him directly. Those people are usually not interested in a long story but wanna be polite and may just care about him. No need to bore them with a long lie.

                                                      – Mayou36
                                                      Feb 11 '18 at 13:25






                                                    • 1





                                                      @Mayou36 fair enough - This probably highlights the difference in workplace cultures across the world. The american offices in my company appear to be particularly adversarial, battling for position and not giving away "weaknesses" whereas the european and southern ones seem to be less combative. Every other answer appears to be minimising the information shared and hiding the reason for OP's day off.

                                                      – Criggie
                                                      Feb 12 '18 at 0:19






                                                    • 2





                                                      @Criggie, the cultural difference could be the crucial point. I think this answers the why. I would propose you to add this to your answer, for which environment and kind of personality this works.

                                                      – Mayou36
                                                      Feb 12 '18 at 11:01

















                                                    @AndyT this stack seems to suffer from a lack of variety in answers. So far it has received { unwell, unwell, don't lie, private, unwell , unknown } as answers, which are all kinda similar. So here's a completely different reply. Isn't SE about getting a selection of answers to vote on? And a workplace without a bit of banter is a boring place to work.

                                                    – Criggie
                                                    Feb 9 '18 at 18:06





                                                    @AndyT this stack seems to suffer from a lack of variety in answers. So far it has received { unwell, unwell, don't lie, private, unwell , unknown } as answers, which are all kinda similar. So here's a completely different reply. Isn't SE about getting a selection of answers to vote on? And a workplace without a bit of banter is a boring place to work.

                                                    – Criggie
                                                    Feb 9 '18 at 18:06




                                                    1




                                                    1





                                                    I don't mind the downvotes - but you are encouraged to make a comment when downvoting. Feel free to say whats wrong.

                                                    – Criggie
                                                    Feb 11 '18 at 9:07





                                                    I don't mind the downvotes - but you are encouraged to make a comment when downvoting. Feel free to say whats wrong.

                                                    – Criggie
                                                    Feb 11 '18 at 9:07




                                                    2




                                                    2





                                                    What's missing: the why. What do you gain by doing that? I think I understand your point and if you are usually the leader in the group and everyone listens to you in the break, telling a nice story can be good. But I don't think that a) the OP does that (otherwise he won't ask here) and b) that the situation is more if someone asks him directly. Those people are usually not interested in a long story but wanna be polite and may just care about him. No need to bore them with a long lie.

                                                    – Mayou36
                                                    Feb 11 '18 at 13:25





                                                    What's missing: the why. What do you gain by doing that? I think I understand your point and if you are usually the leader in the group and everyone listens to you in the break, telling a nice story can be good. But I don't think that a) the OP does that (otherwise he won't ask here) and b) that the situation is more if someone asks him directly. Those people are usually not interested in a long story but wanna be polite and may just care about him. No need to bore them with a long lie.

                                                    – Mayou36
                                                    Feb 11 '18 at 13:25




                                                    1




                                                    1





                                                    @Mayou36 fair enough - This probably highlights the difference in workplace cultures across the world. The american offices in my company appear to be particularly adversarial, battling for position and not giving away "weaknesses" whereas the european and southern ones seem to be less combative. Every other answer appears to be minimising the information shared and hiding the reason for OP's day off.

                                                    – Criggie
                                                    Feb 12 '18 at 0:19





                                                    @Mayou36 fair enough - This probably highlights the difference in workplace cultures across the world. The american offices in my company appear to be particularly adversarial, battling for position and not giving away "weaknesses" whereas the european and southern ones seem to be less combative. Every other answer appears to be minimising the information shared and hiding the reason for OP's day off.

                                                    – Criggie
                                                    Feb 12 '18 at 0:19




                                                    2




                                                    2





                                                    @Criggie, the cultural difference could be the crucial point. I think this answers the why. I would propose you to add this to your answer, for which environment and kind of personality this works.

                                                    – Mayou36
                                                    Feb 12 '18 at 11:01





                                                    @Criggie, the cultural difference could be the crucial point. I think this answers the why. I would propose you to add this to your answer, for which environment and kind of personality this works.

                                                    – Mayou36
                                                    Feb 12 '18 at 11:01





                                                    protected by Lilienthal Feb 10 '18 at 22:27



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