I am in need of some perspective.

Background

My boss and I have a good relationship overall.
She has told me several times that she is very good at reading people and situations.
Several people have left the department because of her, which is especially funny because she has told me she left the department previously because of how her supervisor treated her.
She told us from the beginning that she is clear in her communication and expectations for our dept.

Situations

1. During an in-office meeting, in front of four others, she ripped into me twice. She never actually screamed at me, but was more than disrespectful in both tone and language. She told me that I needed to go work for someone else if I want someone who is going to tell me what to do. This was when I asked one of the other people in the meeting to show me an example of a scenario because I wasn't following what she was saying. Then she laughed, turned to someone else in the meeting and said ' I made her so mad'.




2. During a presentation I was giving on a conference call, she aggressively interrupted me two sentences into it, told me it wasn't what she was looking for at all, and continued to rip into me. There were four other people on the call.




3. I am charge of a weekly report that I email to her and three other members of management. She replied 'all' to my email, asked a question, and didn't direct it to anyone specifically, so I answered it. She then called me and, in a condescending tone that I have never experienced in the workplace said, 'I need you to do something for me, ok? When I send an email, I need you to think about what I'm asking, why I'm asking it, and most importantly, who I am asking it to, can you do that for me?'

She also has said to me specifically and during department meetings how important it is for everyone to own what they do, good and bad, and make it right when we make a mistake. Yet, she has never owned her behavior.

So, my question is, it is reasonable to expect her not to give me feedback in front of others, to speak to me in a professional and respectful tone, and for her to be clear in her communication and not make anyone have to guess why she is asking something and read her mind?

Your expectations are entirely reasonable.

Alas, that observation is unlikely to change the behavior of your boss.

You are focusing on her behavior, and she is asking you for something. I'm not sure if her behavior is justified or not, but that leaves the entire thing being asked for unmentioned.

1. In the meeting where she was disrespectful, she gave you a clear message. "You need to find solutions yourself" You should no longer ask her for assistance in how to approach something.




2. In the conference call, she gave you a clear message. "This is the wrong deliverable." You should halt the presentation, and clarify what she wanted delivered, and only if your presentation contains some of that, resume the presentation at the point where it illustrates what was asked. Otherwise you need to illustrate how the original ask was misunderstood, and what can be done to satisfy the need of the original ask.




3. In the email, you need to proofread what you wrote to make sure it clearly addresses what was asked, without too much background or interesting to know additional information.

Her tone is an issue, but her tone is an indicator that she is frustrated by not getting what she desires. Yes, it is a bit childish for a person to take a poor tone when not getting what they want, but very few people learn the art of separating their tone from their message to get the message across more clearly.

Please don't take my points as acknowledgement that she's using good communication techniques with you. Just consider them a field guide for how to address her issues, and odds are that in doing them you'll avoid a few of her outbursts (but sadly, you probably won't avoid all of them).

My point is, despite her interactions with you, attempt to give her what she wants, and see if things improve. If they don't improve, I suggest moving on. There's an old adage in business

People join a company, and quit a boss.

If this boss cannot be satisfied (and some cannot) then I'd consider moving on.